Six Years In
by Stryder2008
Summary: Sequel:Three Years In: This follows Sam and Dean they continue their lives and try to deal with the challenges of a disaster that they didn't see coming. Dean's past comes back to haunt him, can Sam and their adopted son Adam save Dean from his own demons. M/M Sam/Dean Complete AU doesn't follow cannon. Past Non-con rape & abuse: Injured!hurtDean Angsty!awesome Sam Rated:Hard M/A
1. Chapter 1

_Legalities, as always Sam and Dean and all things Supernatural do not belong to me. They are the property of the CW and Kripke Enterprises. I wish they would share, but I don't think that is going to happen so I guess I will simply play in their sandbox for a bit._

**_Rating MA_**_: For language and injured Dean and Sam throughout the storyline, they will also be M/M pairing although they are not brothers in this story. Pairings won't happen till later chapters, so be sure to review the warnings before reading. _

_If you don't like this type of thing, then don't read this story I am sure there are ones that would be more pleasing to you. _

**Author's Note:** _This story will follow Sam and Dean they continue their lives and try to deal with the challenges of their own pasts and tragic past of a child named Adam Milligan. This ride will get bumpy before it gets smooth, so be prepared._

**_This chapter contains mentions of past abuse (child) nothing specific, but be prepared. It also alludes to a sex scene of M/M variety. You have been warned._**

**_Please Review, it makes me write faster, the whole guilty conscience thing..._**

**Six Years In**

_The Child_

Dean watched with a small smile as a little boy, with bright blue eyes and no hair, bounced around in his bed, he was so happy that his parents had come and stayed with him throughout his chemo-therapy that the poor kid had forgotten that soon, he would be violently ill from the radiotherapy treatments. While Dean Winchester loved his job as a Pediatric Oncologist, some days it was a little hard to go home to Sam Wesson and the 'apple-pie' life that they now led. He remembered his own horrific childhood, and yet as awful as that had been, he hadn't had to suffer through debilitating illness, nor had he had to watch the only family he had, Anna, go through it either. For this one small mercy he would be forever thankful to a largely absent god from his life.

"Dr. Winchester?" a woman's voice pulled his attention from Charlie's room and he was surprised to see a young woman standing there looking like a scared cat about to run away.

"May I help you miss?" he asked as he tried to gage her emotional state, his piercing green eyes searching expertly for sign of injury, unconsciously as he waited.

She smiled slightly and then put her hand out to shake his; Dean looked at her with mild confusion as he wondered just what she wanted. "I wanted to thank you, Dr. for trying to save my son."

Suddenly Dean was struck with recognition, he knew where he had met her before, the child's name was Weston and he had had lymphatic cancer and had been given a very low chance at survival. His intense emerald green eyes softened as he held his hand out, "Maria, right?" He asked.

She smiled and tears welled up in her big blue eyes, "You remember us?"

Dean nodded, "Maria, I remember all my patients…particularly the special ones like Weston."

A silent tear slipped down her cheek and she looked at the ground momentarily, "He died last Wednesday, I wanted to see if you would come to his funeral?"

Dean felt his heart go out to this young mother and he made an instant decision, one that he generally didn't make because it was honestly too hard for him personally. It was so hard to acknowledge the ones he couldn't save, it made him feel like he had failed somehow…like he should have fought harder, he should have driven the cancer from the young man's mutating cells. "Maria, I don't generally go to the funerals, it makes it so hard trying to push on here. But I remember how hard Weston fought; he wanted to be fireman right." She nodded, blinking rapidly as the tears increased. "I'll be there." He whispered, squeezing her arm as he answered.

She nodded again and looked around to see if anyone had noticed that she was standing in the hallway crying on the shoulder of the resident physician for the pediatric cancer ward. Dean pulled her into a hug and held her close as he listened to her sorrow pour out onto his chest. His own heart was breaking for this young woman and the loss she had borne.

'_Paging Dr. Winchester…Paging Dr. Winchester.'_ Dean heard himself being called over the intercom, "Maria, please leave the name of the church and the cemetery with my nurse, her name is Meg, she will make sure that I get it…I'm sorry I have to take this page."

Maria pulled away, "Yes, of course Dr. thank you for listening to me, and I will leave that information with her."

Dean watched as the young woman walked down the hall her shoulders slumped in despair, he sighed and scrubbed a hand down his face, noticing the stubble growing there. He had been on a 48 hour rotation and he was exhausted, "Jessica, What's up?" he asked as he leaned on the nurses counter. The petite blonde behind the desk smiled brightly up at the handsome young _gay_ doctor…_too bad…_ she thought for about the hundredth time.

"Phone call, Dr. Winchester…it's Sam." She said, a smile playing at the corners of her lips as she watched his face light up at the mention of his boyfriend.

Dean nodded, "I'll take it in my office."

Dean sat behind the large mahogany desk and turned the chair so that it faced outward toward the large window, taking in the sunshine in the early hours of the morning. It was one of the few times that it was slow in Los Angeles Cedar Sinai hospital and he took full advantage of it as he grabbed his phone off the desk and took Sam off hold.

"Hey'ya Sammy…to what do I owe the pleasure of this awesome phone call, so early in the morning?" He heard Sam snicker over the phone.

"Well I thought that we could go get breakfast and then I could take you home and give you a massage?"

Dean was startled out his exhausted coma state as Sam's voice switched from the phone to the doorway, pulling Dean's eyes around to the tall man leaning casually against his door frame with the phone still next to his lips.

Dean's breath caught as he looked at Sam in his business attire, he looked amazing and Dean was feeling a bit of a response in his nether regions as he looked at his boyfriend. Sam was wearing a dark navy suit, that Dean had had tailored for him for his 30th birthday…it was set off with a deep royal blue shirt with pencil thin white stripes and a plain white collar, he was also wearing Dean's favorite brilliant red power tie. Sam's hair was longer than he had worn in college and he exuded _power_ as he stood looking at Dean with a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. Sam had hit the gym with an intense passion once his back had healed enough for it, and he was all muscle and lean long limbs…and it made Dean's mouth water just a little looking at him now. _Thank God you're already mine, because I'd have to figure out how to steal you away from someone otherwise._ He thought as he watched Sam.

"Damn-it Sam…you are a sight for sore eyes." He stated simply as he looked at Sam, the lust building behind his emerald green eyes.

Sam wriggled his eye brows at Dean and hit the end button on his iPhone as he looked at Dean through hooded blue-green eyes, desire evident in his own features. "Dean…I missed you last night, I hate sleeping alone." He said as he pushed the door shut behind him, reaching over and pulling the blinds closed and clicking the lock on the door as he stepped away and toward Dean.

Dean could only watch in fascination as Sam's 6'4 frame sauntered toward him, his muscles rippling beneath his shirt, long legs eating up the ground quickly. Dean leaned back as Sam sank to his knees in front of him, pushing Dean's own knees apart easily and sliding between them, his fingers reaching up and slowly releasing the bow that was tied in the drawstring of Dean's scrubs.

"I love how amazing you look at work _Dr. Winchester_." He said lust coloring his words as his fingers brushed lightly against Dean's slowly twitching cock.

Dean groaned in response, he was still amazed that after this many years Sam still had this effect on him. Their lives had been pretty stable after all the shit that had plagued their first year. Both of them had graduated with top honors, Sam receiving a job with Bartlett, O'Connell, and _now _Wesson. Dean had gone on to do his residency in pediatrics as John's Hopkins University and then had been offered a fellowship in the oncology ward at this hospital. He had jumped at the chance to work with the kids, although he hated that he had to 'lose some of the good ones' he loved his job and found it very rewarding most of the time. Sam's fingers dipped inside of his blue scrub's, the tips of his fingers brushing a feather light touch across the tip of Dean's now fully interested cock. "Jesus, Sammy…" Dean moaned and Sam crashed his lips against Dean's in need and longing. Dean thrust his tongue into Sam's mouth, searching and battling with Sam's own tongue for dominance. He loved the way Sam tasted especially in the morning just after he had brushed his teeth and then drank his morning latte. Dean still gave him a hard time about the drinking the girly version of _real coffee_, but he did love the after taste, since it was sweet and slightly minty.

It was Sam's turn to moan into Dean's mouth as his fingers found that, Dean true to form, had not worn boxers to work today, he was commando under the dark blue hospital bottoms.

"Really Dean?" Sam asked as he pulled away and looked into the lust blown pupils of his partner in reproof.

Dean simply smiled sweetly, "You know you love it when I do this Sammy…plus the good colors were all in the laundry."

Sam snorted, "What all the black pairs of Calvin Klein?"

Dean nodded and leaned back in his chair as Sam expertly pulled the loose drawstring waist down, allowing Dean's cock to spring free of the restrictive clothing. Dean glanced at the clock on the wall, noting that Sam was due in court in an hour, "Sam if you're going to finish what you started, you gotta hurry cuz you have to be in court." He said as he tried to ignore the feathery soft touches Sam was sweeping over his now aching balls.

Sam laughed and glanced at the wall too, he noticed that he was due out it like 15 minutes, it took that other 30 to get to the office and then over to the courthouse for the case. He pulled his blue-green gaze back to Dean and smiled wickedly, "I could make you finish on your own Dean."

Dean's eyes popped open, "You better not you little bitch…you started this, now you're going to finish it."

"Alright fine jerk, I will finish it…and then you _owe_ me tonight." He stated as his lips descended toward Dean's aching erection enveloping it in hot wet heat as his tongue lapped along the length of the long thick pulsing shaft. Sam pulled Dean into the back of his throat effectively shutting the other man up as he was now busy trying not scream Sam's name as he was _deep-throated_ by a gorgeous lawyer in an amazingly expensive business suit kneeling between his knees.

Sam finished quickly, swallowing Dean's cum, to ensure that he was able to continue staying pretty clean, although Dean was also headed home soon so it wasn't like he couldn't shower if needed.

Sam sat back and rolled to his feet, straightening his suit, "Dean the _agency_ called today."

Dean's eye's shot up to Sam's and he stood quickly, grasping the drawstring's and pulling them tight securing the pants around his lean hips. "What did they say Sam?" He tried not to get his hopes up, because every other time that they had called it had been with bad news.

Sam smiled, his dimples deepening as he leaned into Dean, "They have a test case for us." Dean's whole demeanor lit up in excitement and he lunged at Sam pulling him into a hug, "Really?"

Sam nodded and wrapped his long arms around Dean, he loved to see Dean happy, he was usually happiest when Anna and her fiancé Castiel came to visit, they would bring their young daughter Cassandra, Cassie for short, and Dean loved that.

"It's a little boy, he is six, his name is Adam…his father was…abusive and died of an aneurism. Adam's been in the system for about a year, he won't talk to anyone. The only thing that the social worker could tell me is that the little boy's father was both physically and sexually abusive…sick fuck." Sam finished vehemently.

Dean felt his breath catch as Sam explained the back story for the child, he couldn't believe that these men were out there and that they would do such heinous acts to their own children. At least when his own father had raped him he had been older, although he hadn't been able stop it…he had been able to protect his younger sister from that sadistic bastard. This poor little boy hadn't had someone to protect him from the sick son-of-a-bitch that had gone after him.

"So when do we find out for sure?" Dean asked after he audibly swallowed and gained control of his raging emotions.

Sam nodded, he knew that was the affirmative version of Dean's answer…he would take on the challenge that this little boy represented. "She's bringing him over tomorrow…we can have dinner. Mrs. Jenner will then decide if this is a healthy union for both us and Adam."

Dean grinned, his eyes were now sparkling with excitement, and he reached up and pulled Sam's lips against his own, kissing the larger man for all he was worth.

Sam pulled away reluctantly, "I have to go Dean." He said as he leaned his forehead against Dean's, this was their silent connection and had been for the past 6 years.

Dean smiled, "Yeah…okay Sam. You better get going….and I love you Sammy." He said as Sam turned to walk away.

Sam spun back around and strolled back to Dean and leaned in kissing him almost chastely on the lips again, "I love you too Dean…so much" He turned again and Dean was quick to drop his eyes to check out how well Sam's tight little ass filled out the tailored dress pants.

He licked his lips in anticipation of the coming evening; he was going to _thank_ Sam properly for trying to give him everything that he had ever wanted or needed since coming into his life all those years ago. Sam had tried valiantly to correct the wrongs of Dean's father and the fucked up childhood that Dean had been forced to live as a result of that.

"Call me when you get home Dean, I know how tired you are." Dean smiled at that as he gave Sam a thumb's up. It always surprised him how much Sam worried about him, he was constantly trying to make sure that Dean ate right, got enough rest, all that stuff. They still ran almost every morning, except when Dean had to an overnight here and there. Sam was still pretty much kicking Dean's ass in that department, frankly Sam was simply faster and that frustrated Dean to no end. He was constantly trying to figure out how to beat his boyfriend on the track, but it hadn't happened yet.

Dean watched Sam push the door shut behind him as he disappeared into the hallway of the hospital, causing Dean to sink bonelessly into the leather office chair behind his large desk. He dropped his head onto his arms as he thought of the potential that tomorrow represented. Dean had wanted to adopt for about three years, but the process was long arduous, and the fact that they were a gay couple didn't exactly grease the wheels for them either.

Sam had been totally supportive and jumped through all the hoops willingly. He had pushed when Dean would have just given up and he had been there to hold Dean as he shared his frustration at the length of time and the potholes that littered the road they were trying to travel. Dean knew that they were going to make the most amazing parents, Sam had had a great example in his mother, but he had never known his father. While Dean's past was the opposite, his mother had been great but died when he was very young and then his father had gone bat-shit crazy and basically prostituted Dean out for drugs. It was a messed up mix of shit, but they were ready to take this step.

XXXX

Sam crawled behind the wheel of his BMW and scrubbed his long fingers through his hair, he hadn't planned on getting Dean off while he was there…but frankly he had looked like he needed his mind's track shifted. So Sam had shifted it for him…sorta. Sam smiled as he remembered the taste Dean and the feel of him…it drove Sam crazy…even now so many years later. He was constantly thinking about getting Dean into their California king sized bed, naked, and spread out moaning with a reckless abandon as Sam thrust into him. Honestly, he had thought that that would fade a little the longer they were together, but it was every bit as strong as it had been in the beginning. The only real difference was that now they knew what the other one wanted and exactly how they wanted it. That one fact made the time that they spent together even more amazing…particularly now where Dean's schedule could be pretty crazy and sometimes Sam stayed late at the office working on a case.

The home that they had bought was located in the Hollywood Hills; it was a modest house by the standards of the ones in their neighborhood. The home was situated on the hill with a garage and a guest house, where Anna and Cas had stayed until they had been able to afford a place of their own. It was 6 bedrooms, 5 ½ bathrooms, a pool, a breakfast nook, and an amazing deck overlooking Los Angeles. It had cost more than a pretty penny, but both Sam and Dean had fallen in love with the homey atmosphere that the place had. Sam had also gotten a dog, a black Labrador retriever named Casper, because he was the friendliest dog that either man had ever met. Casper was currently hanging with Anna and Cas, at their place in Burbank, and the baby since he loved to be around the kids…plus Anna fed him like twice a day and Castiel would take him jogging in the afternoons when neither Sam nor Dean were able to. I was amazing how much their lives had changed in such a short amount of time.

Dean still had nightmares on occasion, although they were few and far between at this point. Sam still had twinges of pain from the accident the first year they had been together, both men had settled into this amazing connection that they shared and had enjoyed outrageous success in their professions.

Sam knew it was because they were being watched after, whether it was God, his mother, or even angels…he wasn't sure but he knew that someone wanted them to be together and they were being protected from the worst of what could have happened to them. It was truly amazing that they had come out of their respective pasts as _sane_ as they had…not mention mobile.

He pressed the electronic ignition switch and the v-8 engine flared to life, Sam pushed the gear shift lever into drive and pulled out of the underground parking garage, turning onto the 101 and heading toward his offices.

His thoughts turned back to Dean and the person that he had become, despite his father's attempts at making him a whore and a punching bag. Dean had taken on the role of father, protector, and best friend for his younger sister when their father had OD'd. He had then joined the military to help support Anna and create path for each of them to achieve something amazing with their lives. That path had led Dean to Sam. For that one act of kindness, Sam would be forever grateful to the universe, because he simply couldn't imagine what his life would have been without Dean's steadying influence and the unfailingly kind nature he possessed. The man could be a hand full, don't misunderstand, but Sam loved the challenge and he was up for whatever Dean seemed inclined to throw his way. He loved Dean unconditionally and that was all there was to it. So if having a child to share that love with was something Dean wanted, then Sam had been more than okay with that. He had never really thought about children, but the fact that Dean raised his younger sister, and she had turned out so amazing, made Sam take a second look at Dean's reasons for wanting this in their lives. He knew that they were a steady couple with a more than adequate income and they could give a child, that may fall through the cracks of the system otherwise, a chance at a better life.

He turned into the private parking garage at his firm and drove to his reserved parking spot, pulling the pearl white BMW 650i into the spot. Sam climbed out of the black leather interior and stretched as he set his briefcase on the concrete. This was going to be a long day, he was representing a case that was not his usual type, but the client had asked for him specifically and he had listened to the facts and determined that he would indeed take it.

He turned and clicked the alarm on the car as he walked to the elevator, pressing the 7th floor button as the doors slid open and closed behind him.

TBC….

**Author's Note:** _This is going to be a great sequel. I am really excited about how the first few chapters are shaping up. The road is not going to be smooth, there will be angst and probably some hurt Dean or Sam along the way. Just because I like to write into my stories, it adds to the drama and the emotional connection that they have._

**Please Review, It really makes me a better more conscientious writer…and my muse loves them.**


	2. Past Meet the Future

_Legalities, as always Sam and Dead all things Supernatural do not belong to me. They are the property of the CW and Kripke Enterprises. I wish they would share, but I don't think that is going to happen so I guess I will simply play in their sandbox for a bit._

**_Rating MA_**_: For language and injured Dean and Sam throughout the storyline, they will also be M/M pairing although they are not brothers in this story. Pairings won't happen till later chapters, so be sure to review the warnings before reading._

_If you don't like this type of thing, then don't read this story I am sure there are ones that would be more pleasing to you._

**Author's Note:** _This story will follow Sam and Dean they continue their lives and try to deal with the challenges of their own pasts and tragic past of a child named Adam Milligan. This ride will get bumpy before it gets smooth, so be prepared._

**_This chapter contains mentions of past abuse both physically and sexually involves Dean as a minor, though just barely, but be prepared. _**

**_It also includes a non-con rape type scene of the M/M variety. _****_You have been warned!_**

**Chapter 2**

_Past Meet the Future_

Dean locked his office and looked tiredly at the elevator, it was like _all_ the way down the freakin hallway…and all he wanted was to sink into one of the chairs and pretend that the world did not exist for a few hours. He actually hated it when he had to work rotation, it had been fine when he was still in college and was 6 years younger than he was now, but every few weeks he had to share the duties as the 'resident on call'. Those days always blasted his sleep schedule for the next few nights. Sam actually didn't seem to mind that Dean was up, because generally Dean got to feeling a little _randy_ during the night and he would wake Sam up with sex. So of course other than the fact that Sam hated sleeping alone, he was all for Dean working these types of shifts…occasionally. Dean pulled in a slow breath and grabbed his pack off the floor heading for the parking garage; he smiled as he saw his _baby_ sitting and waiting patiently for him in her spot. The 1967 Chevy Impala looked beautiful, she was spotless and her paint gleamed with a shiny obsidian black reflection. This car was his pride and joy_, other than Sam_, he had fixed the rest of the issues after that awful accident their first year together.

His throat closed, like it always did, as the vivid images associated with that accident flashed through his mind. The memories of Sam, covered in blood and unmoving, still woke him up sometimes. He would be covered in sweat and his muscles rigid as he would fly out of his deep slumber, the nightmares plaguing his dreams and refusing to leave him alone for the rest of that night. Sam would generally catch on when this happened and they would sit in bed and talk, or Sam would just hold Dean while he tried to control the shaking that rumbled through his shoulders.

No matter how long ago that accident had been, the fact that Dean still felt that it was his fault and the resulting injuries that Sam still dealt with, weighed heavily on his tarnished soul. Sam would have slapped him silly if he knew that Dean still harbored all this guilt, but the truth was Dean knew that he was a "worthless piece of shit" as his father would have said. He had simply gotten pretty good at covering that realization up when Sam was around…it was part of the reason that Dean worked with children, he wondered if he could save enough of them, whether or not he could redeem himself…_I really freaking doubt it._ He thought solemnly. Dean slipped into the soft leather seat and ignited the V-8 engine on the Impala, it rumbled to life and he smiled to himself at the perfect purr of her engine.

Dean pulled himself from his musings as he exited the garage, pulling out on the 4 lane road that ran in front of the hospital. He headed for the on ramp of the 101 knowing that he would probably dream when he got home today and that chances were they weren't going to be too pleasant. He was feeling pretty sad about Weston and the fact that the boy hadn't made it, Dean had really liked him. As he thought of the child his musings turned to the little boy that they would be meeting later this afternoon.

Janice McCarthy had told them little about him beyond his name and his horrific background, _something that Dean would sympathize with, _along with the fact that he was 6 years old and hadn't spoken in over a year. When they had applied with the adoption agency more than three years ago, Dean had specified that they would be interested in working with a child that had special needs. The fact that they were getting a small child that had been through much of what Dean himself had, left him a little humbled. He had made it through the fucked thing that was his childhood, and frankly he hadn't really thought about the fact that there were small kids out there _younger_ than him dealing with much the same abuse.

Dean had had choices to make, he had chosen to protect Anna and that had involved doing some very sordid things. He had also found a way of dealing with that abuse, kinda, in the personification of Sam Wesson and the absolute love and unconditional capacity for forgiveness that he represented. Dean wanted to offer this kind of salvation to another child. To another lost soul that had been through literal _hell on earth_ and come out the other side.

He was almost surprised when he found that he was on driveway to their shared home, he didn't really remember much of the drive and that wasn't really a good thing. Dean needed to pay better attention when he was headed home after these long hours, _he might hurt his baby otherwise_. He thought with a bit of remorse.

Dean was surprised when his cell phone beeped at him indicating that he had a missed call, he pulled into the garage and turned off the car grabbing his bag and heading into the house while he listened to the message.

"Mr. Winchester, this is Mrs. McCarthy. We had arranged with Sam to meet with you this afternoon to talk about Adam Milligan, I need to see if we can move that to Thursday at 3:00 pm? Please call me if that is a problem, if I don't hear from you then I will assume that it is set time. Adam seems excited about meeting you two…well as excited as this little gets anyways. Sorry for the rescheduling, I ran into some issues with legal. Nothing to do with your case, but important none the less. I look forward to seeing you then." She hung up and Dean sank down into the chair at the large cherry wood table in their dining room. He leaned over and rested his elbows on his knees, finding that his fingers were scrubbing through his blonde hair of their accord. Dean was nervous about meeting the little guy, so he figured that another two days to prepare, mentally, might not be a bad thing. He determined that he needed to give Sam a call and let him know what was going on; he grabbed his phone and hit the speed dial button with Sam's grinning face on it.

It only rang once before Sam was picking up, "Hey Dean. Anything wrong?" his voice sounded a little worried.

Dean snorted into the phone, "Na Sammy, I just got a call from Janice. She needs to move the meeting until Thursday at 3pm, can you still be there?"

It was Sam's turn to snort, "Wild horses couldn't keep me away Dean. You made it home okay?"

Dean shook his head, Sam was such a _mother-hen_ sometimes, "Yeah Sam, I'm home. I think I'm going to hit the shower and then sleep for a few hours until you get finished at the office." He heard Sam's sharp intake of breath as Dean talked about the shower, and he was instantly picturing him and Sam in the shower. Water cascading over Sam's luscious body and…

"Dean…Dean!" Sam repeated into the phone.

Dean smiled to himself at the naughty pictures playing through his head, "I'm here Sammy…just got distracted…mental images and all."

"Oh us?" Sam asked, his voice getting a little huskier.

Dean chuckled, "No of me and Janice…yes of us you idiot."

"Jerk." Sam said, though there wasn't a hint of anger in his voice, just the sentiment that was always attached to the one word.

"You love it bitch." Dean shot back without even thinking.

They had been using these two words as terms of endearment since they had met all those years ago, and they had just stuck. Much the same way that 'Sammy' had stuck after Dean mocked him with it on their first official meeting. "You know I love you right Dean?" Sam said suddenly serious.

"Yeah Sam…I know. Love you too." Dean answered as he clicked his phone off. Sam would home about five hours and that wasn't much _sleeping_ time for him. He peeled himself out of the chair and stumbled a bit as he walked toward the stairs and ascended to their second floor master bedroom, complete with the most amazing shower that Dean had ever been in. The damn thing had multiple jets that rained water down on the occupant like waterfall. This one thing had been Dean's idea, he had remembered trying to scrub his body clean as a teen in the cold water of their _motel of the month_, and he had decided that he had earned the most awesome shower money could buy. Sam, incidentally, had agreed.

Dean stayed under the hot spray of the shower for longer than necessary as he let the pounding water wash much of his cares down the drain with his soap. He leaned one arm against the fall wall and was assaulted with a memory so strong that it drove him to his knees.

_Hands…there were hands everywhere, they were stroking and caressing him in places that they shouldn't. Dean felt the man sidle up behind him, running meaty hands over Dean's denim clad ass. _

_"__You like this boy?" the man asked, his breath smelling like rotted garbage, his other hand reaching around the front of Dean jean's and clasping his flaccid cock hard. Dean just continued to look at the floor, he didn't speak to them anymore, his father had set him up once again, telling him that Anna needed his help with a school project and then sending him to this dilapidated apartment complex. Dean always fell for the rouse when his father used Anna's needs. He felt the man reach for the button and pop it open as he leaned in placed chapped lips against Deans neck, sucking hard enough that Dean knew he would have another bruise to lie to Anna about._

_"__Say something boy." He demanded as his hands slid into Dean's pants and inside his boxers grasping his uninterested cock and pulling and twisting painfully as the man tried to get an arousal out of the young man._

_Dean swallowed the pain, he always did at this point, the pulled his hand out angrily and spun the kid around looking into his vacant eyes with rage building in his own._

_"__If I wanted a dead man for this I could have found one. Your father owes me and he said that you would work off that debt. Now WORK!" the man spat. Dean continued to stare at him in open contempt, thought his eyes still remained hollow and uninvolved in what was happening to his body. _

_The man pulled back his large fist and slammed it into Dean's face, causing Dean to cry out involuntarily as he sank to the floor grabbing his face without thinking. The man buried his hands in Dean's soft blond hair and hauled him up again, looking around the dirty apartment for an appropriate place to teach this 'piece of shit kid a lesson' he wouldn't soon forget._

_He smiled evilly as his eyes fell on the bathroom; Dean was still holding his jaw as the man started hauling him into the bathroom._

_"__Now we're gonna see who's really in charge here. When I say react, you better fucking react boy!" he yelled, reaching down once and ripping the boy's jeans down to his ankles, taking the old boxers with them. He smiled when he saw that the kid was pretty well endowed and that he was obviously not hard at the moment…so that was excellent. Dean started to struggle as he realized where this was going; he hadn't actually been raped since his father had trapped him in the living room a few years ago. He had been forced to participate in lurid acts, but he hadn't been actually brutally raped since then. His fear ramped up as the man positioned his hand on Dean's neck and smashing Dean's face into the side of the porcelain shower stall, pain and blood immediately blossoming on Dean's head and running into his eyes effectively blinding and stunning him at the same time._

_"__That's better pretty boy. Just lay there…I'm gonna teach you how to respond properly to a paying client" the man tore what was left of Dean's t-shirt off and the slammed a fist into Dean's ribs to ensure that boy didn't have the ability to really fight back. He didn't like it when his victims fought with him; it was a lot of extra work. _

_Dean felt the man flip him over the edge of the tub, his ass in the air as the bulk of the man settled behind him. His fingers running over the white skin on Dean's hips heavily, leaving bruises and scrapes where he dug his nails into the soft skin. Dean bit back a sob as he was thrown back to that day in the motel room over the coffee table. The man reached around and grabbed his cock in a painful grasp, moving his hand up and down the shaft trying to elicit a response. Dean's cock wasn't remotely interested, it remained mostly flaccid in the man's hand and he got angrier with every passing moment. _

_"__Son of bitch…I'll show you…" he growled as he removed his hands and placed them on either side of Dean's ass just enough for him to ram inside the stunned youth. There was no prep; there was no lube, no soap…nothing just the blinding white hot burning pain of being forcefully penetrated by a sadistic son of bitch in a cheap apartment building._

_Dean cried out as agony flared through his entire body, he felt ever thrust and grunt of pleasure that the man made. The tears were running freely down his face as he felt the blood start to lubricate the man's continued thrusts…his shame at being caught like this again flaring to life with him. The man shuttered and then flattened against Dean's back as he came inside the young Winchester, "Next time maybe you'll participate so it don't hurt so much…huh boy." He snarled into Dean's ear as he ripped himself out of Dean, causing the anguished cry that was torn from his throat as intense pain brought white spots before his eyes._

_The man laughed and then grabbed Dean's head once again slamming it into the now pink porcelain. Dean felt his body give up the fight and succumb to the injuries; he descended into the blackness that seemed to be the only place that these bastards couldn't reach him…_

XXXX

Sam walked through the side door and immediately his 'spidey senses' went off. He wasn't sure what was wrong, but something was off. Sam had gotten out of court earlier than expected and had decided that he wanted to spend the afternoon with Dean instead of behind his stuffy office door. He stopped and listened, the only he heard was the water running upstairs, he ran for the steps taking them two at a time as his senses went into overload.

"Dean?" he called. No answer.

"Dean!" he called louder, again no answer.

Sam pushed into the bathroom and saw his partner kneeling on the floor in the shower, his face a mask of grief and pain…and lacking the sanity that Sam knew he possessed.

"Dean?!" he said as he rushed into the running water, immediately hit the fact that it was freezing and probably had been for a while since Dean was shaking and his skin was covered with goosebumps. "Oh God…Dean…you with me?" This wasn't the first time that Sam had come home to find his strong lover caught in some sort of painful loop inside his own mind. There were times when the awful memories seemed to take the other man hostage and without Sam there to pull him back and remind him of how far he had come he might have done something stupid. For years the need to take care of Anna had prevented that option for Dean, but now that she had Castiel and Cassie…she was taken care of, as far as Dean saw it. The one thing that stabilized the still healing man was Sam's presence.

Dean was a strong person, but the way his father picked away at his mind and his self-esteem still came back to haunt the successful physician. Sam wondered if this had anything to do with the little boy, he figured it probably did.

Dean's eyes rolled over to connect with Sam's and there were confused and a little frightened, "Sam?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah, baby…yeah it's me…you okay?" he said in a soft voice.

Dean closed his eyes and his head lolled forward on Sam's soaked suit, "Why are you in shower in your suit Sam?"

Sam rolled his own eyes, "Because my boyfriend decided to try and become a popsicle…there's no hot water left, it's ice cold dude."

Dean shivered as he nodded his agreement that the cold shower floor really did kinda suck.

"Can you stand up for Dean?" Sam asked as he leaned out and grabbed one of the big soft terry cloth towels.

"Yeah, Sammy…I can stand." Dean stated as he started to get to his feet, his need immediately buckling as the blood rushed back into them. "Owe…shit that sucks" he groaned as Sam took most of his weight and held him upright.

"Dean, it happened again didn't it?" Sam asked gently as he helped maneuver Dean into their bed, pulling the covers back and then throwing them up over Dean's naked shaking body.

Dean's face crumpled slightly as he realized that he had 'lost it' again and that this time Sam had had to pull him back. Sometimes he wondered if he was just going crazy or if he would ever get _to_ a point where he could sorta _forget_ the past and move on with the future.

Sam sat down next to him n the bed, gently running his long fingers through Dean's wet hair, "Dean I love you and I don't want you to feel that you need hide these things from me. I know about the past…and how you came out of it as totally amazing as you are…I have no clue. But I will be forever grateful that you did."

Dean looked at the bed and started fidgeting with the duvet cover, "I know Sam…I just…sometimes I can't control when those memories hit…or how they will affect me. They are so vivid sometimes it's almost as bad as the first time it happened. I'm sorry Sammy." He whispered.

Sam felt his heart break, "Dean, you have nothing to be sorry for…they did these things to you…not the other way around. You are the kindest, most self-sacrificing man that I have ever known."

Dean pulled his emerald green gaze up and looked Sam straight in the eyes, "I am pretty awesome." He said with a hint of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth, his plump lips soft and inviting.

Sam smiled and leaned in placing his lips gently against the pale pink of Dean's pouty mouth, he kissed him quietly with none of the demands that his lips usually made of this man. Dean moaned against him and reached up running his fingers through Sam's long brown hair, deepening the kiss when he was ready to. Sam smiled against Dean's lips and pulled away, "No. Dean you need to get some sleep and then we can…later."

Dean looked a little chagrined and then nodded as he settled back against the pillows, the soft sheets nothing but soothing against his bare skin. "Okay Sammy." Sam watched as Dean's eyes slipped closed and his breathing evened out.

TBC…

**Authors Note:** _There will continue to be references to Dean's past and this story is going to get a little deeper into Sam's as well. The story will drift light hearted into some very dark places, because people that go through things like this don't just forget and move on with life. It should be a pretty awesome rollercoaster of emotions and angst and perhaps some hut/comfort depending on where the must takes me. Hope you enjoyed to chapter. _

**Please Review: They feed my Muse and she is one hungry SOB.**


	3. Unavoidable Disasters

_Legalities, as always Sam and Dean and all things Supernatural do not belong to me. They are the property of the CW and Kripke Enterprises. I wish they would share, but I don't think that is going to happen so I guess I will simply play in their sandbox for a bit._

**_Rating MA_**_: For language and injured Dean and Sam throughout the storyline, they will also be M/M pairing although they are not brothers in this story. Pairings won't happen till later chapters, so be sure to review the warnings before reading._

_If you don't like this type of thing, then don't read this story I am sure there are ones that would be more pleasing to you._

**Author's Note:** _This story will follow Sam and Dean they continue their lives and try to deal with the challenges of their own pasts and tragic past of a child named Adam Milligan. This ride will get bumpy before it gets smooth, so be prepared._

**_This Chapter also includes a sex scene of the M/M variety. _****_You have been warned._** **Chalked full of angst and hurt Dean and worried Sam**

**Please keep in mind that I do not have a Beta, so if there are errors, I apologize ahead of time.**

**Chapter 3**

_Unavoidable Disasters _

The following morning Dean was sitting up in bed, his shoulders slumped forward slightly as he read the morning newspaper. He had gotten into the habit while he had been in the military and had just never dropped it, Sam walked into their shared room, the light bouncing playfully off Dean's golden hair, and set a mug of coffee on the nightstand and then leaned in to kiss Dean softly on the lips, before walking to his own side of the large bed and plopping down with a grunt. His large frame hitting the bed bounced Dean and caused him to shoot Sam an amused look.

Dean glanced over at him in question and then smiled slightly as Sam just shrugged and grabbed the remote flipping on the flat screen television and then channel surfing until he found the food network. _What is it with Sam and the flipping food network?_ He wondered silently.

Dean chuckled as he turned back to his paper, grabbing the hot mug of coffee and sipping it gingerly. "Tough morning counselor?" he asked over the rim of the steaming black liquid.

Sam turned a bored gaze in his direction, "Not really, just a little bored today. We up finished on my case yesterday and I don't really need to be worried about the new one till next week."

Dean blinked in slight confusion, "Wait, the one with the corporate litigation?"

Sam nodded, his long brown hair bouncing into his eyes as he did, "Yup. They called and asked for a settlement first thing this morning. So now I have the whole day off and nothing really planned." _I swear I am going to pin him down one day and go after that mop with a pair of clippers. _The thought ran through Deans head as he stared at the unruly but so cute brown locks.

Dean shifted his hips and turned to Sam, "We could go to the diner for breakfast?" he said, wriggling his eyebrows at Sam. Sam snorted, "You just want to go see if Doris is working today." Dean's face split into a grin, "Damn straight. I wanna know how Jimmy did on the ASVAB."

"Dean you helped the kid study for months, I'm sure he aced the thing." Sam said as he looked into the animated face of his partner, Dean still carried a love of the military that Sam couldn't understand.

"Yeah, but with a great test, he can go into any branch, in any job in the military that he wants to." Dean replied as he leaned over into Sam's eye line. Sam pulled his eyes from the tv and looked into Dean's deep green eyes, they were sparkling with energy and Sam couldn't resist the smile that pulled at his lips. He closed the distance between in one fluid motion, gently brushing his lips over Dean's. Dean responded immediately and softly washed his tongue over Sam's lower lip, causing Sam to open his mouth slightly. Dean's tongue raced inside and started tangling with Sam's in an easy play for power. Neither of the men cared who was dominant and who was submissive, they had determined long ago that they both played those roles equally. It just depended on the rules of the game on any given day. Sam groaned as Dean won this particular game, and he twisted his long frame, pulling the paper out of Dean's limp hands and tossing it to the floor.

Dean pulled away and glanced at the mess on the floor of his previously tidy room and then turned to Sam in mock disgust, "You just ruined a perfectly good paper Sam." He said as he brought his hands up and ran them through Sam's long brown hair, gently kneading his neck as he dropped his hands lower.

Sam chuckled, "I'll buy you a new one." He said as he crashed his lips back into Dean's, hungry to taste the man. His hands were gently pulling the gray t-shirt Dean was wearing over his head, breaking their lips apart as he did. Dean groaned at the loss of Sam's soft touch and then threw he head back as Sam's fingers feathered across his chest. Sam pulling in a slow whistling breath at the sight of the tanned and well-muscled chest. _God I love to see him naked…_ He thought as he dropped his hands lower and ran them lightly over the increasing bulge in Dean's boxer-briefs. Dean lifted his hips into the contact and arched his back like a cat, a moan escaping his plump lips as Sam touched his cock through the cotton.

"Jesus, Dean…you'd think we never do this." Sam said through a chuckle.

"Can't help it Sammy…love it when you touch me." He said as he brought his head around and pulled Sam's lips back into his own, a clear sign that he was the one in charge on this one. Sam let Dean take the lead and just enjoyed the ride. Dean dropped his lips onto Sam's collarbone, sucking at the soft skin and licking playfully as he dropped lower to Sam's nipple, which was now a hard round numb of pleasure. Sam could feel his own erection growing at the continued antics of his partner, he pulled in a sharp breath as one of Dean's hands slid inside his dress pants, _Wait when did Dean get the undone?_ The thought flashed through his head and then he didn't really care when it had happened, just that Dean's fingers were now brushing over his pulsing cock. The pleasure was washing though him as Dean continued to lightly feather his fingers over the crown of Sam's erection and then slide beneath it to run his thumb over the underside of the head. Pre-cum was starting to drip down the length and Sam suddenly realized that he was still wearing an extremely expensive set of dress pants, ones that he didn't want to have to explain to the dry cleaner why there was a strange white stain on.

Dean started pulling at the waist of said pants, as Sam lifted his hips as Dean pulled them slowly down, agonizingly slowly, down his long legs…along with his boxers. Which he then threw in a huge pile on the floor, _so much for the expensive pants_. When Dean turned back to a now completely naked Sam, his breath caught at the sight of the man…he was all muscles and golden tanned skin. The sight of him laid open and waiting for Dean was intoxicating, his cock laying in soft repose against his taunt abdomen. The springy dark hairs between his legs like a playground that was created just for Dean.

"God…Sammy, do you even know how beautiful you are?" Dean asked in a husky voice as he crawled back up Sam's luscious body, marking him with kisses as he did.

Sam threw his head back as the pleasure of seeing Dean like this washed over him, steeling his breath. _God I love him so much._ He thought as Dean's tongue swished across the head of his cock, a shudder of pleasure crashing over him in waves. "God Dean…" he managed before Dean closed his lips around his cock, sliding it into his throat and passing his tongue over the now leaking head. Sam moaned at the contact, it was the most amazing thing when Dean got this way. He would lavish Sam with attention and then he would _take_ Sam or allow Sam to _take _him and it was always the most phenomenal feeling.

Tonight Dean was doing the taking, he pulled off of Sam's cock, making Sam moan in frustration as he removed the warm heat from his aching erection. Dean chuckled and reach over, grabbing the lube from their nightstand, clicking the lid open and squeezing a generous amount onto his own leaking length and spreading it out coating his cock in the warm liquid. Sam lifted himself up on his elbows as he watched Dean touch himself and he was turned on even more, if that was even possible, by the sight.

"Dean…" he moaned and threw his head back into the pillow in irritation at the time this taking away from _them_. Dean laughed slightly at the sight of an irritated Sam, and then slowly crawled forward and slipped a finger inside of Sam causing the other man to gasp in pleasure. He pushed until he felt the small bundle of nerves and pressed into them, causing Sam to buck up into his hand. "Oh God...so good Dean." He groaned as Dean pushed a second finger inside of Sam and started scissoring his fingers, opening Sam up. When he had Sam writhing in pleasure and begging for more he slipped a third finger in, once he was satisfied that Sam was 'opened' enough, he then removed them quickly.

"Want you Dean." He breathed out as he looked at Dean down the length of his own naked body.

Dean smiled and then slicked the remaining lube on his cock reaching out with his hands steadying Sam's hips and sliding the head of his cock to Sam's prepared ring of muscles. He pushed the head of his cock inside of Sam and waited as the other man adjusted, before pushing in a little further. He bit his lip as he tried to keep from forcing himself balls deep inside of Sam.

Sam took that decision away as he shifted his hips and pushed down onto Dean's hard pulsing length, it was Dean's turn to groan at the feeling of being completely enveloped inside of Sam's warm heat. He started to shift his hips and Sam cried out as his cock pushed against Sam's prostate and he was no longer in control…Dean's intense desire for Sam taking control. His hips thrust in and out of Sam as he threw his head back in pleasure. Sam was shifting his own hips in time with Dean's as they fell into a synchronized rhythm.

Sam's hands ran up and down Dean's smooth chest as he tried to pull Dean closer and push him deeper inside. Dean felt the blinding pleasure building at the base of his spine and his head came forward so he could see Sam's eyes as he thrust one last time and came inside of Sam. His orgasm was currently ripping its way through Dean's body and there were flashes of light spasming before his eyes. Sam's own cry of pleasure informed Dean that he had cum as well…Dean was always surprised when one of them came without the other one even touching them…their connection was that strong. Sam collapsed into their bed as Dean pulled out of Sam and laid down next to his partner, reaching across to pull Sam's lips against his own in a gently kiss. "_That_ never gets old Sammy." He whispered.

Sam smiled and turned so he could lay his head on Dean's chest, sucking the warmth and comfort from the other man as he did. Dean chuckled and absently ran his fingers up and down Sam's naked skin, feathering across his ribcage in the process.

The next morning Sam awoke to an empty bed, a note on the night stand as he looked blearily around the room. He reached over and picked up the note, reading Dean's writing easily, "Sammy, I have to work today, so I will see you tonight. Love you- D."

XXXX

Sam smiled as he slowly came up out the cocoon of hazy sleep and stretched like a cat as he felt the slight twinge from their previous night's activity's and rolled over grabbing the remote control from his bed side table and flicking on the tv. The flashes of the emergency banners that rolled along the bottom his television screen had Sam sitting up instantly and turning the volume up. Pictures of Cedar Sinai hospital were flashing up on the screen…it was covered in black dense smoke and there was rubble everywhere. Sam squinted his eyes in confusion at what he was seeing, there had to be a mistake, cuz Dean was supposed to be there. His breathing increased until he was nearly panting in rising panic as he watched the emergency crews trying to deal with the wounded and the dying. Film crews were panning the building and Sam watched in horror as they panned across the part of the building where Dean's office was located…it wasn't there. A large hole was blown into the building from the ground floor up and huge parts of the building were missing completely.

Dust and debris were blocking a lot of Sam's view of the corner where the day before he had gone to see Dean, wires were hanging freely from the ruined edges and the sparks from the electricity were causing fires in the lower parts of the building that was still standing...although they wouldn't be for long if the crews couldn't get the structure stabilized and the power shut off.

'A bomb exploded at Los Angeles Cedar Sinai hospital at approximately 0640 this morning. Rescue crews are now on scene, although it appears that they are having difficulty getting inside the building to rescue the injured. More than 130 personnel and patients are currently listed as missing; crews are asking that the families of those victims please contact the crisis line.' A number crawled across the bottom of the screen. 'Personnel with rescue skills are encouraged to make their way to down town and volunteer to help with the search and rescue efforts.'

Sam stared at the screen, his heart now beating so fast that he thought it might actually fly right out if his chest and into the screen.

_Oh God…Dean._ He thought as panic bubbled up to replace the fear.

XXXX

Dean needed the oxygen masks that were located in the basement storage closet, rather than bothering the nurses he made the decision to go down and get them himself. He wasn't the type of doctor that thought he was better than the other personnel just because he had more letters behind his name. It was a trait that the nurses and the CNA's seemed to appreciate about him, he wouldn't ask them to do things that he wasn't willing to do himself.

He smiled as he opened the small closet and stepped inside, he didn't even get the chance to shut the door before he was thrown into the rear of the closet by an unseen force. His military training told him that they had just been hit by some sort of bomb, it was similar to the feelings that he had had when their convoy had gotten hit by IED's. Dean's head slammed into the metal shelves and he felt the immediate pain that lanced through his skull as the metal cut into easily into his forehead causing blood to gush into his eyes, effectively blinding him. He hit the ground and tried to roll as the shelves toppled, pinning him beneath their heavy weight and pushing a piece of the broken unit into his side, like a hot knife slicing through butter. He cried out as the pain washed through him, his body settling on the floor as another shift in the building structure caused the other shelving unit to come crashing down, Dean threw his arms up to try and protect his head, pulling his body into a fetal position, the metal sticking out of his ribs shooting agony up and down his left side.

The second unit managed to miss anything vital, but Dean knew that the injuries that he had sustained were critical. He tried to stay awake, knowing that personnel would come looking for survivors. He pulled his cell phone out and looked at the device; it wasn't broken…_thank god._ He nearly broke down as he realized that there were no bars…he had little if any signal down here. He reached up to wipe the blood out of his eyes, ignoring the pain that was shooting through him; Dean blinked his blurry eyes at the screen. A thought occurred to him as he was staring at the little electronic tether…_Sammy…he had to contact Sam_… He blinked again and tried to shift the shelving unit, it was too heavy, and he couldn't even budge the damn thing. _Text…_ Dean thought absently, his mind already becoming hazy from the injury to his head and the blood loss.

_Sam- alive-hurt-basement.-_

Dean hit send on the short message, it was his only shot…if they didn't find him relatively soon, it wouldn't matter. He knew that the injury to his head had caused a concussion and the 10 inch long metal piece that was imbedded in his side was just off of where his heart was located, so hopefully it hadn't been nicked in the process of his getting impaled, but if the thing shifted...he would be in really deep shit. He tried to control his breathing as he waited for the text to go through…finally he got the positive sign on his phone that indicated that the text had been successfully send. Dean felt his thought's start to wander, he knew that he couldn't pass out…but he couldn't control the darkness that descended on him a moment later.

XXXX

Sam heard his phone beep as he pulled his boot on, he grabbed frantically at the phone, praying that it was Dean…and that he was okay. He clicked open the message and held his breath as he read, his heart thudding into the vicinity of his shoes as he did and stopping all together.

_Sam- alive-hurt-basement.-_

TBC…

**Author's Note:** _Sorry that the update took so long, I will try and be better with this story. I also had to create a new line for the guys, this seemed like a real possibility what with the bombings that recently happened. So I wondered what would happen if Dean was caught in one and Sam had to try and work through that. These two haven't exactly had it easy, so why would it start now, they had six years and now the universe remembers that they out there. This isn't a death fic, so no worries there. Also I am going to work into the adoption as the story moves forward. So stick with me._

**Please Review: They make me write quicker. They motivate my muse**.


	4. Trapped

_Legalities, as always Sam and Dean and all things Supernatural do not belong to me. They are the property of the CW and Kripke Enterprises. I wish they would share, but I don't think that is going to happen so I guess I will simply play in their sandbox for a bit._

**_Rating MA_**_: For language and injured Dean and Sam throughout the storyline, they will also be M/M pairing although they are not brothers in this story. Pairings won't happen till later chapters, so be sure to review the warnings before reading._

_If you don't like this type of thing, then don't read this story I am sure there are ones that would be more pleasing to you._

**Author's Note:** _This story will follow Sam and Dean they continue their lives and try to deal with the challenges of their own pasts and tragic past of a child named Adam Milligan. This ride will get bumpy before it gets smooth, so be prepared._

**Chalked full of angst and hurt Dean and worried Sam**

**Please keep in mind that I do not have a Beta, so if there are errors, I apologize ahead of time.**

**Chapter 4**

_Trapped_

It took Sam a moment to collect his fractured thoughts as he stared at his phone in disbelief. _What the hell happened?_ He couldn't understand why someone would bomb a hospital, which just didn't make sense in his mind. It wasn't a rational target. Hospitals were there to help people, who would want to hurt those types' people, the ones who give up large chunks of their own lives in service of others. The injured workers and the idea of the patients being further hurt while they were in a place of healing…was just…tragic. Sam's thoughts turned to Dean and he leaned over putting his head between his knees as he felt his stomach rebel at even the idea of losing Dean. They had already been through so much; they had defeated so many demons to get where they were today…that the mere possibility of losing Dean was…_there are no words to describe that kind of pain._ He thinks as he swallows and pulls himself back into a seated position, he hadn't even gotten off the bed when his cell phone started ringing. Sam prayed that it was Dean calling him, his hands shook as he flipped it over to see who was on the screen ID; he was a little disappointed when he saw Anna's face flash across the screen.

"Anna?" he said shakily into the phone, still using the bed for support, since his rubbery legs weren't going to hold him up at the moment.

"Sam, have you seen the news? Was Dean working today? What the hell happened?" she rambled as her voice rose in pitch, her fears mirroring his own.

Sam pulled in a slow breath, "Anna, stop." He said quietly.

There was instant silence on the other end of the line, "He was there wasn't he…Sam." She stated, her voice breaking on the use of his name.

Sam's eyes started to burn as he considered her question, he scrubbed a hand across his face in frustration. "Yes." He said simply.

"Was he hurt? Have you heard from him?" she asked as she tried to control the tears forming in her large brown eyes and then leaking slowly down her pale face.

Sam's breathing became even more uneven as he tried to put into words the desperate fear that the text message had elicited within him. "I think so Anna…I got a text…"

"What did it say Sam?" she interrupted.

"Anna, he was in the basement, it said he was…hurt." Sam wanted to say more, to comfort Dean's sister somehow. But he couldn't even control his own response to this latest tragedy, let alone be a rock for Anna. He heard the intake of breath as she gulped and the emotions bubbled up inside her in waves, forcing them to the surface.

Sam just listened as she broke down on the other end of the line, he knew that part of this was the disappearance of Dean, but part of it was probably due to the hormones that were still rampant from her recent pregnancy. "Listen Anna, is Castiel there?" Sam asked.

"Yes." She sobbed.

"Hand him the phone." Sam instructed.

"Sam?" The deep voice of her husband was instantly on the line, and Sam was grateful for at least one emotionally stable person in this situation.

"Cas, I'm headed to the hospital right now to help with the search and rescue. Keep an eye on Anna and I'll call you guys as soon as I know anything okay?" Sam finished as he got his own emotions under control enough to rise off the bed and grab Dean's hoodie and throw it over his head as he rushed down the stairs and out the front door.

"Don't worry Sam; I've got her taken care of. Go. Find…Dean." Cas finished as Sam hung up.

The traffic on the 101 was horrible, Sam was swearing up a storm by the time he made it to the off ramp. He could see the inky black smoke curling up from the hospitals location and it made him sick just looking at the tangible reminder of the bombing. His stomach twisted and wound around itself as fear and the very real possibility that he may lose Dean because of this making him throw the door open while he was still stuck in traffic and empty the content of his stomach on the side of the freeway. Sam ignored the horns that started to honk as the car in front of him inched forward, he sat up and pulled the door closed, grabbing a bottle of water to wash his mouth out. He rolled the window down and spit out the nasty water as he pulled forward the two feet the other car had just vacated.

As Sam got closer he saw the lights of the fire engines and the blue and red blur of cop cars along with the road blocks that had been set up to detour traffic. As he pulled up a uniformed man walked over to his window, pulling a clip board out as he did, "Sir. You can't be down here right now. I need you to turn around and head back toward the 101 and take hwy 5 toward Pasadena."

"No." Sam answered simply, this got the cops attention. He put the clipboard down and raised his eyebrows at Sam.

"Excuse me Sir?" he said.

"I have a loved one inside that structure. I'm here to help with the search." Sam elaborated as the cop tilted his head, taking in Sam's sweatshirt and crisp clean Levi's. Whatever, they could actually use all the help they could get, if this guy thought he could bring something to the table, then great.

"Okay. Head over to the right side, there's a large tent there. Find a man by the name of Thomas; he can direct you to the crews. They are just finishing the safety briefs and then they are waiting for an okay from an engineer before entering the structure to begin searching for survivors."

Sam nodded and pulled away from the man, he couldn't believe that it had worked, but hell…he would search…just primarily for Dean.

XXXX

Dean felt his body before he was fully awake enough to appreciate just how much it hurt at the moment. His eyes were glued shut, almost like he had something in them…_oh yeah blood_. He tried to roll slightly and cried out as his side lit up in agony and he wasn't able to move an inch anyways. When he leaned his head back, panting through the pain, he remembered that he still had the cell phone. There was no light in this little closet, so he pulled the phone out and clicked the screen on, giving the room a strange glow as he did. Dean managed to pry his eyelids open then turned his head to side to see if he could find a way to shift this shelf off of his chest.

As he did so he saw the reason for his intense pain, the jagged piece of metal sticking out of the left side of his chest. He could feel where it had pierced all the way through and was forcing him to lay at an odd angle as it protruded from his back and ground into the cement floor.

"Jesus…." He said as the pain shot through him again.

Dean knew that this type of injury was not one that patient's usually walked away from. It was so close to his heart that there was a chance that the organ had been nicked as it impaled him. His head hurt like a bitch and he was having a hard time focusing his thoughts for long…_concussion._ "Great…just fucking peachy…" he muttered as he looked at the ceiling of his small coffin. _Well that's probably not the best way to look at this situation._ He thought as he tried to steer his mind in happier directions.

Dean took stock of his situation and as he did, he was less and less pleased with his chances. He was stuck in a small closet in the basement of a structure that shouldn't have collapsed. It felt as though they had been bombed, although he couldn't be sure of that. Sam knew that he was here…hopefully. He had a 10 inch piece of steel sticking out of his chest…okay it was sticking all the way through his body. He had also hit his head and gashed open his skull, which was now causing him to suffer from, what he assumed was, a severe concussion. It took him a lot longer to put all these pieces together; his mind kept wandering off in random directions. Such as what Sam had looked like asleep in their bed that morning, all naked and bathed in the morning light. His mind shifted to thoughts of Anna and Cas and what they would want for their anniversary. _Speaking of that what would Sam want for their anniversary…wasn't that coming up too?_

He couldn't seem to hold on to any one thought long enough to create the answer to the question. Plus, he was cold…it was cold in this basement. He dreaded the shivers that he knew would come eventually, because they were going to shift his body and by default the metal currently staking him to the ground.

Dean felt the whole earth shift suddenly, the shelf twisting and pushing him further into the unforgiving ground. He couldn't help the scream of pain as the shard twisted to the side and he felt the blood start to rush from his body as he slipped a little further down the metal…_gravity was such a bitch._ He thought as he felt world go hazy and then he was pulled back into the chasm of darkness.

XXXX

"Sir, I don't think that this is a safe area yet. I'm pretty sure that the engineer said that we needed to stay away from the south wing. The nature of the blast has destabilized this whole area." Edison looked at his search partner, he knew that Jackson was right, but he could have sworn that he had definitely heard something down here. It sounded like a cry of pain…or maybe a cry for help, he wasn't sure. But he was damn sure going to find out. His eyes were drawn back to the dark recesses below the hole he was currently looking through. The design plans said that it lead to the basement, but he all that certain how stable those joists were. The ones that happened to be holding the floor they were standing on in place. He scrubbed a hand down his face in frustration; Edison knew…he just knew that there was someone trapped down there. The question now was how did they safety, or as safely as possible, get to that person. He slammed his fist into his thigh as he looked around for any options that they might have.

"How many people have they recovered at this point Jackson?" he asked as his eyes swept the area.

"41 personnel and patients have been recovered…36 of those were bodies." Jackson said, his voice dropping out on the last part of his report.

Edison blew out a breath in response to that number, _damn the men that caused this_. He thought as he turned toward the hole again. "Well we can't go in there without the rope rescue unit's gear. Get a hold of Bensen and see where their teams is and if they can make their way here."

"Edison, we don't even know if there is anyone down there." Jackson said, shaking his head at his partners stubbornness.

"Yeah I do…Jackson someone is down there. I heard them."

"When? I never heard anything." Jackson's eyes flickered back to the hole and the light from Edison's flashlight that was bouncing around over the rubble.

"Look, the plans say there are rooms down there used for storage, so it's reasonable to assume that someone may have been down there when the blast went off. Just…don't argue with me Jackson." He bit out as he turned back the direction they had come, watching the rubble shift under their feet as they travelled slowly along the same path out that they had taken coming in.

XXXX

Sam was appalled by the devastation the closer he got to 'ground zero', he had parked his car in the designated area and then had to maneuver through the makeshift tents looking for the man named Thomas. He finally tracked down the guy in a large tent near the south east end of the parking lot. Thomas was a large man with an imposing air of authority about him, he was currently looking at a white board with numbers and columns written on one side and a list of missing persons on the other. Sam nearly broke down as his eyes scanned and found Dean's name listed as missing. He gulped back the rising emotions and stepped into the tent, clearing his throat to alert the man to his presence.

Thomas turned and raised his eyebrows at the large man standing just inside his tent. Jesus, the guy had to be at least 6'3 or more…he looked strong and able though. The dark haired man was wearing an expression of concern as he waited for Thomas to speak to him.

"You here to join the search?" he asked, his voice held a booming deep rich quality that would have gotten anyone's attention if needed.

Sam swallowed and stepped further into the tent, the white walls feeling somehow constricting as he nodded, unable to find his voice at the moment.

"Okay, I have a team coming out that needs a additional rescue equipment, meet them at the entrance to what used to be the parking garage…you know where that is?" he looked at Sam waiting for an answer.

"Yes, sir…I know where that is." Sam said simply as his voice finally made an appearance.

"Good. They will be headed back in shortly and they could use an extra hand on the ropes, Edison, the man in charge of that team, he thinks there are people trapped on the next level down. But they can't get to them without the gear, so…" he glanced at his watch, "They should be out in the next fifteen minutes, so if you hurry you'll catch them." He finished.

Sam nodded and turned to leave, "Wait…what's your name?" The man asked, pulling Sam's attention back around.

"Sam Wesson."

Thomas wrote Sam's name on the board under the 'rescue crews' column and nodded, then waiving a hand of dismissal at Sam as his radio starting squawking at him again.

TBC…

**Author's Note: ** _Really short chapter…sorry. I am writing the next one and it is much longer, I just couldn't get it all finished and ready to post, so here ya go…till tomorrow. _

**Please Review: They make me feel guilty…and my muse loves them...**


	5. Search

_Legalities, as always Sam and Dean and all things Supernatural do not belong to me. They are the property of the CW and Kripke Enterprises. I wish they would share, but I don't think that is going to happen so I guess I will simply play in their sandbox for a bit._

**_Rating MA_**_: For language and injured Dean and Sam throughout the storyline, they will also be M/M pairing although they are not brothers in this story. Pairings won't happen till later chapters, so be sure to review the warnings before reading._

_If you don't like this type of thing, then don't read this story I am sure there are ones that would be more pleasing to you._

**Author's Note:** _This story will follow Sam and Dean they continue their lives and try to deal with the challenges of their own pasts and tragic past of a child named Adam Milligan. This ride will get bumpy before it gets smooth, so be prepared._

**Chalked full of angst and hurt Dean and worried Sam**

**Please keep in mind that I do not have a Beta, so if there are errors, I apologize ahead of time.**

**Chapter 5**

_Search_

Dean was still lying on his back, his body listing to the side that the spike wasn't protruding from, the pain had settled into a constant throb of shooting white hot agony that was flashing through his left side and culminating in a big band playing what felt like a full scale concert inside his head. He had left his phone open for a while, unwilling to allow the descent of total darkness…he wasn't sure that he would make it without the little light reminding him of Sam. That and the smiling picture of Sam Wesson… Dean wasn't sure when he had passed out, but as he struggled back to consciousness he noticed that his battery was low, so he made the heartrending choice to shut the phone down.

He had clicked the cell phone closed eventually because he knew that the battery wasn't going to last much longer and he was desperately hoping that Sam might text him back…or that if he did, it would actually have enough power to come through. His mind started to wander as he continued to stay pinned beneath the heavy metal shelf, Dean thought of Anna and Castiel and their new daughter and he felt a lump rise up in his throat at the realization that he may never see the little tyke grow up. In fact there was a possibility that he would never get to actually meet the little boy that he and Sam had been given a chance to adopt. Tears sprang into his eyes and he immediately steered his mind away from those thoughts.

Unfortunately for him, his mind simply found other ways to occupy itself… He wondered what Sam would do if he died here…how he would cope. Would he move onto another relationship with another man? Or would he go back to his original team and find some great girl and get married, have kids of his own that would carry on his legacy. The pain that flashed through his heart as he considered that very real possibility had nothing to do with the spike pinning him to the floor and everything to do with a certain pair of blue-green eyes and that solidly muscled body. Dean couldn't imagine someone else touching _his _Sammy, making him laugh or cry out in pleasure in those private moments that Dean treasured above almost everything else in his life. His breathing was turning ragged as he tried to control the emotions swirling around inside him; he noticed that he could feel his limbs starting to shake slightly as the shock set in. Dean rolled his eyes in frustration as he recognized his deteriorating physical state. _Great just freaking peachy…_ He wondered if they were even looking for him, if they even knew where to find him or if he was among the presumed dead. God he hoped that wasn't the case, because Sam wouldn't handle that too well…not well at all.

Dean's mind wandered again and he thought back to the day he had met Sam…that one evening he had walked into the library and seen for the first time the man that would change his life.

Sam was seated behind the desk, his eyes slipping closed as he struggled to read the _completely and totally boring law text._ Dean's eyes had been immediately drawn to the lanky student with long brunette hair and amazing blue-green eyes…of course it might also have been the fact that Sam was sitting with his sister. But even with as angry as he had been at Anna's current state, he had not been blind to the man sitting next to her. From the moment Dean had realized that they were roommates, he had been a lost cause. Something about Sam had pulled him inextricably to the younger man and he had been helpless to fight it. He wasn't sure that he would have fought it anyways; Sam was destined to be his. Dean had loved him from so early on in their relationship that he was unable to define the exact moment that he had realized that he _officially off the market._

Dean still struggled with the demons of his past…the things that his father forced from him had been unconscionable…but the things that Dean had done to keep Anna safe were so much worse that he had never fully forgiven himself. Sam had learned about many of these 'situations' when after the _accident_ Dean had gotten ill and spouted things during a fever. He had never thought that someone could accept and…_god-willing_ even forgive the things that had happened to him, but Sam had. He had never pushed Dean to reveal all of the heinous acts of his father, but he had been there every time the memories threatened to take Dean's sanity. Dean had wondered for the first few years they were together, when Sam was going to realized that he was too good for Dean. He had waited for that other shoe to drop, knowing that if it did he probably wouldn't survive it...oh he wasn't suicidal or anything...but he never would have allowed anyone to get that close ever again. Sammy had weaseled his way past all of Dean's defenses and set up camp inside of Dean's heart. He had fortified his position through the constant love and support that he had offered Dean. He was also the most amazing lover that Dean had ever had...and he had been with _a lot_ of people. More than were acceptable in his few years traipsing over this earth. He shuddered involuntarily as the cruel faces of some of them flickered across his minds eye. Dean wondered if he would ever get to touch Sam's soft skin again, feel Sam's lips wrap around his cock in slow torture as he pulled Dean into passionate throws of ecstasy and whether or not he would feel the other man shutter in undisguised pleasure as Dean _took_ him slowly and thoroughly...his thoughts shifted again. _Damn...I can't even concentrate anymore._ He thought in random frustration.

His eyes fluttered as he continued drift in and out of consciousness at this point, his blood was still trickling from the injury to his left side and that damn head wound was making the effort of trying to stay awake nearly impossible. Dean had even thought that he heard voices at one point, he had strained to open his heavy eye lids, but the blood that had dribbled into them, subsequently drying, was causing them to quite literally be totally and completely _glued_ shut. He listened as well as he could, struggling to keep focused, but he had found that almost immediately his mind was descending into darkness again…thoughts of Sammy flashing through his head in time to the drums banging inside his skull.

XXXX

Sam stumbled as he followed the two men deeper into the where the garage used to be, it was the best access point to get to the basement. His eyes were adjusting to the dark, but not as quickly as he would have liked. The flashlights that they each carried were specifically for search and rescue, so the candle watt power was extremely high. But every time that Sam looked away from the lit pathway they were slowly picking their way along, he would stumble as his eyes lost their ability to distinguish between the shadows and the pieces of concrete and rebar strewn throughout the area. Edison was a knowledgeable team leader, he had been involved after the world trade centers had been attacked and he knew how to clear an area of potential survivors. Jackson had worked with the man on several searches, so they worked well as a team, both were certified in high angle rescue techniques and were willing to teach Sam what they knew.

Sam's mind was wandering terribly, he kept picturing Dean and the state that he _could and likely would_ be in. The bloody horrible state that he might be in right at this very moment. Sam wanted to move away from those thoughts, he knew that they were anything but helpful. But he had thought that he had lost Dean years ago after that awful accident that he still bore the physical scars of and Dean walked around with the emotional ones etched into his very soul. Sam thought of his first impression of Dean, that night in the Stanford library...a million years ago..._or so it seems._ He remembered Dean's bearing and the powerful presence that he had been, he had filled up the whole room that night. Then later he had filled up Sam, in a way that he hadn't known that he hungered for. Sam would be lost without Dean, he couldn't even think about what life would be like without the sarcastic, annoying, and the subtleties that simply were the culmination of who Dean was.

"So Sam, did you know anyone that worked here?" Edison asked as he continued to look off into the darkness, following the path back into the chasms of the hospital.

Sam swallowed his immediate response and the emotions that welled up in relation to it. "Uh…yeah. Yeah, Edison I do." He said quietly, feeling his booted foot come into contact with something hard, his lifted his leg and stepped up over the solid mass of stone.

Edison's voice took on a soft quality, there was a hint of an accent to his voice and Sam wondered silently where the man was from originally. "I'm sorry Sam…I hope they are okay. Have you heard from her…"

Sam allowed his eyes to drop to his hands in an attempt to calm his jumbled feelings before answering the man. "No I haven't heard from…him." Sam heard the intake of breath from both men at that revelation. _I bet they think I'm crazy...that there's no way that Dean is still alive._ He knew that he couldn't accept that, he knew that there was no way that Dean would have accepted that if their roles were reversed. Dean hadn't accepted that he wouldn't recover form that accident, he had pushed Sam to go to physical therapy, he had run with Sam and he improved and they had finally gotten close to where they had started...Dean struggling to keep up with Sam's long strides and easy pace.

"What did he do here Sam?" Jackson asked as he followed Sam's form in the darkness.

"He _is_ the head of pediatric oncology." Sam answered simply. He refused to believe that Dean was dead…because he couldn't deal with that scenario.

"Wow, the child cancer doc?" Edison asked, suddenly coming to a halt and turning bright curious brown eyes in Sam's direction.

Sam nearly bowled him over at the sudden halt to their forward progression. "Yeah, that's Dean."

Edison's eyes shifted and they became worried, "He saved my son's life…4 years ago. Kid was diagnosed with childhood leukemia and he saved my son."

Sam swallowed the immediate wave of emotions as he thought of all the kids Dean had saved since he had started working here. He knew that there were more cases that he won, when dealing with the cancer victims, than he lost. Dean just wouldn't accept that there were some kids that their cancer was too advanced or simply non-curable. But he never gave up hope and he tried until the day when the child was no longer able to fight and then he would attend their funerals. Tears stun Sam's eyes as he watched the man choke back his own feelings. _Dean you can't die down here…there are too many kids out there that need you. I need you._ He thought.

Jackson watched the exchange between the two men, he knew that the illness that had plagued Edison's son had been advanced and that they hadn't thought that the little guy as going to make it. But that doctor had fought right alongside those parents and that little boy and he had now been in remission for three years. He played on his school's baseball team and he lived a pretty normal life…now.

"Sam, we are going to find that doctor…alive." Edison said sincerely.

Sam nodded and waved his hand forward so that they could continue their last few meters into the darkness to the hole where Edison had said that he had heard a voice earlier. Sam prayed to a god he wasn't sure that he believed in, that it was where Dean was.

The men lowered themselves into the hole, the cement was a little unstable, but not so much that they couldn't risk entry into the area. The wires that had been sparking with electricity earlier, were now hanging quietly, no sign of the blue arcs from before.

"Dean!" Sam called as his feet settled onto the cement floor of the basement. He bent his knees and unhooked the figure eight from the rope, allowing it to hang from his harness as he turned and looked into the darkness.

"Dean." Edison called as he flipped on his head lamp. Using it to break up the pitch black of the smaller area, they each spotted a door that was still shut. It appeared that the room on the other side was still intact. The walls still standing despite the devastation surrounding it on all sides.

Sam stumbled toward it in his haste, something was niggling at his senses…he knew that Dean had be on the other side. He just knew it.

Edison hurried after him, looking at the damage to the metal door, it was warped and bend slightly to the inside, meaning that they were going to have a hell of time getting it open so they could officially clear that room. He glanced at Jackson and saw that same assessment on his partners face. Sam pounded on the door, he stopped and listened to see if there was any response from inside the room.

"Dean!" He called again, his voice breaking at the end of Dean's name in desperation.

They all stopped and listened…and then Sam heard it…a soft "M'mmy?" It was muffled and slurred, but it was Dean's. Sam neared sobbed with relief at hearing that beloved voice.

"He's in there Edison. I heard him." He said in rush to the other men.

Edison walked up and placed a gentle hand Sam's shoulder, "I heard it too Sam. But I'm not sure that we can get inside that room without special equipment. The door is warped and the whole room appears to be metal."

Sam's eyes nearly bugged out his head at that… "What the hell do you mean!" he yelled. His fear and frustration rising to the surface over ruling any of his normal social tact. That was Dean on the other side…his amazing beautiful Dean…and he could be dying. There was no way that Sam was going to accept that they couldn't get him out of that room…_right the fuck now._

Jackson watched Sam with sympathy and a small amount of respect as he saw the internal battle that the man was fighting. Fighting and losing. The rational part of his brain saw what they were up against and the part of him that loved that man inside was seeing the thin barrier between his over and medical help.

"Dean, are you okay?" Edison called as he held a hand up to Sam asking for silence.

There was no answer from the other side for several seconds and then there was a faint, "No…hurt…M'mmy." And then there was complete and soul crushing silence as they heard something shift inside the room.

"DEAN!" Sam called as he rammed his shoulder into the door, completely ignoring the pain that flashed through his body at the impact. A part of his brain told him that he would have a significant bruise there tomorrow. He didn't care.

Dean heard the slam as the door shook and held. He knew somewhere inside his muddled brain that Sam had found him and that he was trying to get to him. He shifted slightly to try and get a better lung full of oxygen so he could call out to Sam…but the whole shelf shifted and he slipped down further, the spike now rising only from his chest. His back now firmly against the cold concrete of the floor, he could feel the rush of blood as his battered body settled in place.

"S'mmy…" he whispered as the agony that was shooting through his chest become more than he could handle and he slipped again into the darkness.

Sam had stopped hitting the door long enough to place his ear against the metal and listen to the sounds on the other side. He heard a low and nearly inaudible, "S'mmy…" and then nothing...absolute and utter silence.

"DEAN!" he screamed as the desperation permeated every cell of his body.

TBC…

**Author's Note:** _So I know it looks bleak for Dean…but they will be rescuing him in the next chapter. So hang on for that ride…cuz I don't do death fics._

**Please Review…they are like candy for my Muse.**


	6. Rescue

_Legalities, as always Sam and Dean and all things Supernatural do not belong to me. They are the property of the CW and Kripke Enterprises. I wish they would share, but I don't think that is going to happen so I guess I will simply play in their sandbox for a bit._

**_Rating MA_**_: For language and injured Dean and Sam throughout the storyline, they will also be M/M pairing although they are not brothers in this story. Pairings won't happen till later chapters, so be sure to review the warnings before reading._

_If you don't like this type of thing, then don't read this story I am sure there are ones that would be more pleasing to you._

**Author's Note:** _This story will follow Sam and Dean they continue their lives and try to deal with the challenges of their own pasts and tragic past of a child named Adam Milligan. This ride will get bumpy before it gets smooth, so be prepared._

**Chalked full of angst and hurt Dean and worried Sam**

**Please keep in mind that I do not have a Beta, so if there are errors, I apologize ahead of time.**

**Chapter 6**

_Rescue_

Sam nearly collapsed against the unmovable door in a desperate kind of frustration; his shoulder was _definitely_ bruised at this point. He couldn't hear Dean anymore and that was causing his brain to conjure all sorts of horrific scenarios that might actually be happening on the other side. Sam knew that Dean was hurt, and he knew that if he didn't get Dean to help soon…then he may not make it. _No…I will not think like that. I cannot lose him, not because of something so out of our control. I can't._ He thought.

"Edison!" He called in desperation. "Are the men with the jaws here yet?"

Edison turned sad eyes in his direction and shook his head as he furrowed his eyebrows in sympathy. He wanted Dean saved too, this man had earned that. Sam blew out a shaky breath as he leaned heavily against the door, his eyes suddenly catching on something that glinted in the light on the floor about 5 meters from where he was standing. He cast his flashlight beam in that directions, the light fell across a bar…a crowbar. _Son of a bitch, maybe I can jimmy the door open._ He thought as he moved quickly to the metal piece and grabbing the object of his thin hope from the floor then rushing back to the door.

He wedged the bar between the door and the doorjamb, and started pushing with all his considerable strength. For one heartbreaking moment nothing happened, and then he felt just the tiniest hint of give. He gasped in surprise and then pressed even harder against the bar providing leverage between the door and the warped sides of the walls.

"It's moving Edison." He said as he continued to press against the thing.

"Can we help?" the man asked as he stepped closer to Sam.

"Just be ready to help Dean as soon as I get this fucking thing open!" he called out, his voice strained with the effort of pushing against the unforgiving metal. Sam felt his hands slip as the sweat built up and then the twist as he repositioned his palms and felt the edge of the metal cut into his palms. The sweat combined with the blood and made for a very slick surface as he grunted with the stinging pain now pulsing through his palms.

"Dean!" he called in a desperate attempt to give the other man some hope, "I'm gonna get you out Dean." He finished, his voice cracking on the name of his soul-mate.

Suddenly the door gave…or the lock…whatever had been holding the door in place broke loose and it swung violently inside, slamming into something on the floor and stopping abruptly. Sam stumbled as his balance took him, uncontrolled, into the room and caused him to sprawl across a large metal shelf that had obviously been blocking the door only moments before. He felt more than heard the raspy intake of breath as his body came to rest painfully on the unit. He looked down and was horrified to see Dean lying, pinned, beneath him. "DEAN!" he cried as he scrambled up off the storage unit. _Oh God…I landed on Dean. What if I made it worse._ His thoughts were scattered but he pushed himself out the door and gestured frantically for Edison to come help him remove the thing pinning Dean against the floor. He threw his eyes back at the still form of Dean and he was getting more frantic as he saw the state of the room, his eyes flickering from side to side. Sam didn't have a clear view of Dean yet, there was still too much stuff between them. Edison stepped through and whistled low in his throat. Sam turned incredulous eyes at him and Edison just shrugged in frustration as he reached down to help lift the thing up off of the doctor.

Sam felt his hands slip momentarily as the blood created a slick surface, but he simply readjusted and wiped his hands on his jeans before wrapping his long fingers around the shelf and lifting with all his might. The thing was heavy…like really fricken heavy, but Sam didn't quit and they were eventually able to reposition it so that they could get to Dean, the metallic scent of blood was heavy inside the room and it was making Sam a little sick…_because it was Dean's blood_.

Sam's breath caught in his throat as he took in the still form of Dean. He was lying in a large puddle of blood, his head still oozing slightly from the wound at his hairline; it was about four inches long. But what had Sam trying desperately to maintain his control over his now violently rolling stomach was the 10 plus inches of silver shining metal that were protruding from Dean's chest…exactly where Sam assumed his heart should be. "Oh God…." He whispered.

Edison took instant control of the situation and dropped to his knees next to Dean's chest, headless of the blood that was now caking his knees. He placed slightly shaking fingers against Dean's throat, praying silently that he would find a pulse. After a couple of seconds he felt the flutter of a faint and rapid pulse. But he also felt the tremors tripping through Dean's body and the too hot feel of the skin on his neck. _Great…possible infection too._ He thought as he wondered just how in the hell they were going to stabilize Dean enough to move him.

He pulled out his walkie and called the scene commander, "Thomas, this is Edison. We have a survivor…but he's bad. We need immediate extraction or this will be a recovery and not a rescue." Edison looked straight into Sam's eyes as he finished, hating that the guy had to hear that last part, but knowing that they desperately needed help…now. Sam was now kneeling on the other side of Dean, gently grasping the hand of the doctor, tears now flowing freely down his face. He wasn't even trying to hide them at this point, just trying to keep it together long enough to get Dean to medical care. A soft groan caught their attention and Sam's eyes flew to the glassy moss green eyes of a very confused doctor. "Dean?" he whispered as he reached up and gently ran his fingers down Dean's face, careful of the gash in his head.

Dean couldn't figure out how Sam was with him...had he died? No...because he still hurt too much for that to be a possibility, so they must here to recur him...right? He was frustrated that he couldn't hold onto any thoughts, his brain kept shifting and then the pain would pull him back. So instead Dean tried to focus on Sam's worried face and his intense eyes as he held onto Deans cold fingers. Dean hoped that this wasn't his mind playing tricks on him...because he wasn't sure he could handle that right now. He wanted to say some thing to Sam, to let him know that he knew he was there...but he could not make his voice work, all that came out was a groan. Well hell..that wasn't what I meant. Damn head injury anyways. He thought in frustration.

Dean just blinked at him, the movement was slow and sluggish…but it at least gave Sam some hope. He knew that Dean was a fighter and that he would give everything he had to live _for Sam._  
The next 45 minutes were the longest of Sam's life…unless you counted that time when Dean left him kneeling in the parking lot watching the tail lights of the Impala pull out of his life. But this was a close second. Dean's eyes had fluttered closed minutes after opening, his only indication that he was still in the land of the living was the ragged rise and fall of his chest. Sam was cringing every time he heard the slight wheeze in Dean's intake of air and the puddle of blood beneath Dean was growing steadily larger. Edison had slowed the fluid as much as possible with a pressure bandage at Dean's back and then wrapping the metal spike carefully to avoid any more shifting. Dean had already slid down the damn thing so there wasn't a lot more that they could do. God knew that they couldn't pull the damn thing out; Dean would bleed to death in minutes.

By the time the additional rescue personnel had arrived, Sam was ready to crack skulls, he knew that there were a lot people injured in the blast, but he only really cared about the one lying directly in front of and clinging desperately to life. The four men expertly lifted Dean and laid him in the basket; it was complete with a back board and a small pole for an IV line, which was currently pumping much needed blood into Dean's arm. He had wanted to scream at them when they had jarred Dean and he had gasped in pain, his face twisting in agony as he clenched his eyes shut. Sam watched and he had never felt so helpless. He helped to carry Dean to the hole and watched as they hooked up the lines and then began expertly pulling Dean from the blasted apart basement of the hospital. Once they had Dean securely at the top, Sam, Edison and Jackson had clambered up the ropes and pulled themselves onto the dusty shelf of concrete and rebar. Sam rushed to Dean's side and gently took his hand, his own trembling as fear washed through him at the paleness of Dean's face and nearly blue tint to his usually pale pink lips.

Edison laid a comforting hand on Sam's shoulder and squeezed gently, "He's going to make it Sam." He said simply. Sam knew that there was no way that Edison could guarantee that, but he _needed to believe_ so badly that he would have taken words of comfort from anyone and believed them with every fiber of his being. He nodded silently and then moved so they could life the litter and carry Dean from this _God forsaken hell-hole_, and get him to the medical care that he so desperately needed.

Sam was so glad to see the light at the end of the tunnel as the group climbed the last steps and stepped out into the now noon day sun. It was a beautiful day in LA, it belied the hell that Sam was going through and he squinted to allow his eyes a moment to adjust, he looked down at Dean and got his first really good look at the man…and his heart nearly stopped.

Dean looked like a version of a zombie off the 'walking dead' or something. He had dried blood caking his face, and a nasty gash that ran across his hairline and stopped near his left ear. The bruises that were already forming on his face and neck were a plum color already and only looked as though they would darken with time. His eyes dropped to the silver stainless steel 'spike' that was impaled into Dean's chest and he couldn't hold his stomach any longer. He turned in an instant and heaved his dinner and the coffee he had drank earlier onto the asphalt. Sam continued to dry heave until his sides were spasming and his breath was coming in short pants as his head exploded in pain. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw a man place a plastic bottle of water within easy grabbing distance and step back, trying to allow Sam some privacy as he tossed his cookies all over the parking lot.

"Thanks." He managed around the dryness creeping up his throat and settling in his mouth along with the bitter taste of bile.

"Sure man." The guy said and then stepped away.

"Hey you coming with this guy or not?" A paramedic asked as he looked from where they had already loaded Dean to Sam's current position on the ground.

Sam's head came up and he pushed his hair out of his eyes as he nodded and stood up slowly, his knees threatening to buckle, but he willed them into a locked position and they actually held. "Yeah…Yes, I'm coming with you." He answered quickly, climbing slowly to his feet and closing the distance in three long strides.

"Let's go man." The paramedic said and gestured toward the back of the ambulance.

Dean was strapped into a stretcher on the mattress and there was now a saline drip in addition to the blood still running sluggishly into his veins. Sam climbed into the vehicle and settled on the empty seat next to Dean, gently taking his hand and holding it without putting pressure on the IV imbedded in the top of his hand. Dean's heart rate monitor was too slow for Sam's comfort, he was obviously fighting really hard, but Sam was just plain scared at this point. He knew enough about medicine, because of Dean, that this type of injury was more than just a little life threatening. He was lucky that he hadn't stumbled upon Dean's dead body when that door gave in. His breath caught in his chest as his mind flashed that particularly devestating scenario in front of his eyes. Sam that already knew how he would handle Dean leaving him, he had experienced that first hand that dreadful day at Stanford. But this wouldn't be like that, Dean would be gone...forever.

Sam closed his eyes and scrubbed his other hand down his face in an effort to clear the scenes from his mind's eye. They were awful; he couldn't imagine what he would become without Dean. He was the glue that held Sam together at this point; he guessed that if someone asked Dean then he would say the same. There was no way that one could exist without the other; they were two sides of the same soul…at least that was how Sam knew that they both felt. He knew that it sounded clichéd and that people would look at him like he was a complete idiot, but he didn't think that he could survive Dean's death. And he knew that Dean wouldn't survive his…without the other person there just wasn't anything to push on for.

The constant slow beeping gave Sam some hope that Dean could pull out of this, with proper medical care that he could make it through this day…and many more to come. Their prompt arrival at the emergency room in a hospital that Sam wasn't even sure of the location, gave him some indication of just how badly Dean was hurt. He was whisked through the double doors into the back and then fifteen minutes later he was in emergency surgery and Sam was left alone in the waiting room. He sank into the nasty little chairs and dropped his head into his hands, his hair falling forward in waves, his elbows resting on his knees, he was so tired and yet every time he closed his eyes all he could see was all the blood and that damn stake sticking up out of Dean's chest. He was not above praying to every deity on the face of the planet that Dean's heart wasn't injured. Sam knew that it would be a miracle if it hadn't been…_but hell, I figure that the universe owes Dean a miracle after what he's been through._ He thought in anger. The sudden ringing of his cell phone pulled him out his prayers, "Hello?"

"Sam? Did you find Dean?" The almost frantic voice of Dean's sister, Anna coming through the tiny speaker. Sam wanted to kick himself for not calling her immediately, but he had honestly forgotten in his concern for Dean.

"Anna, I'm so sorry I didn't call you. Yes we found Dean he is in surgery at Sacred Heart memorial hospital." Sam said quickly.

"Sam, is he okay?" she asked quietly, obviously if he was in surgery there was something wrong. She just hoped that it wasn't life threateningly serious.

Sam inhaled sharply, "No Anna. He is most definitely not okay. You should probably get over here, sooner rather than later."

It was Anna's turned to pull in an unsteady breath, "Okay…Sam. Castiel and I are on the way. My neighbor will watch my daughter until later. I don't that it would be good to have her in the hospital."

Sam chuckled, but there was no humor in the action. "No it probably wouldn't be." He said.

"We'll be there in less than 30 minutes okay?" she said in soft voice that broke slightly on her words. Anna was trying desperately to hope it together, but Sam knew here well enough to know that she wasn't doing well at all…good thing that it would probably be Cas driving the car.

Anna and Cas arrived and sat quietly in the chairs next to Sam, they didn't really try to talk to him, probably because he was staring at the floor most of the time. Nearly four hours later a doctor in green scrubs came out of the double doors and nodded in their direction. Sam sprang to his feet and was immediately in front of the doctor with hope reflecting out of his blue-green eyes as he waited for the verdict.

TBC…

**Author's Note:** _Yeah, Dean got rescued, but recovery is going to be hard on him and Sam. I'll get that chapter up quickly._

**Please Review: They make me write faster.**


	7. Waiting

_Legalities, as always Sam and Dean and all things Supernatural do not belong to me. They are the property of the CW and Kripke Enterprises. I wish they would share, but I don't think that is going to happen so I guess I will simply play in their sandbox for a bit._

**_Rating MA_**_: For language and injured Dean and Sam throughout the storyline, they will also be M/M pairing although they are not brothers in this story. Pairings won't happen till later chapters, so be sure to review the warnings before reading._

_If you don't like this type of thing, then don't read this story I am sure there are ones that would be more pleasing to you._

**Author's Note:** _This story will follow Sam and Dean they continue their lives and try to deal with the challenges of their own pasts and tragic past of a child named Adam Milligan. This ride will get bumpy before it gets smooth, so be prepared._

**Chalked full of angst and hurt Dean and worried Sam**

**Please keep in mind that I do not have a Beta, so if there are errors, I apologize ahead of time.**

**Chapter 7**

_Waiting_

Sam waited in the alcove, searching every face for the one that was Dean's doctor. He had been brought out of surgery more than twenty minutes ago and Sam was still waiting for an update on his prognosis and the outcome of the surgery. Anna and Cas were in the waiting room, since only one person could be in the back at a time, Dean's sister had allowed Sam to fill that slot. _Thank God, I don't think I could handle sitting in those chairs for too much longer._ He thought as his eyes were drawn to a short Hispanic women walking purposefully toward him.

"Sam Wesson?" she asked in perfect English, looking at the chart in her hand and then pulling her large brown eyes all the way up his tall body to meet his concerned blue-green gaze.

"Yeah…that's me. How's Dean?" he asked, the words catching slightly in his throat as he tried to keep the emotions at bay. The smell of the antiseptic in the hospital was bringing back too many memories of his last stint in the hospital and the imagery was almost overwhelming for him. He was struggling to keep the nausea down as he tried to think about anything but the last time that he and Dean had been in the hospital because of the accident.

She smiled and held out her small hand, the woman barely came to the middle of Sam's chest, she was so short, but he gripped her hand and was surprised by the strength he felt in her handshake. "Doctor Maria Alverez, I'm Dean's surgeon." Her voice was pleasant and strong and she didn't seem to be waiting to drop a bomb on him, _like Dean hadn't made it through the surgery…_so Sam decided he liked her immediately.

"Doctor, how's Dean?" he asked again, pulling his hand back and stuffing it into the back pocket of his jeans, making him look all of five years old to her. She smiled and glanced back at the chart in her hand, "He's doing remarkably well considering the location of that metal rod."

Sam nodded as his hands slipped out his pockets and unconsciously wrapped around his middle almost like he was holding himself together as he listened quietly.

She inhaled deeply and smiled up at him again, "Sam, he has a long road to recovery, infection is now the most notable concern. The metal missed his heart, God only knows how…but it did slice into his left lung, puncture his liver and kidney, and it perforated his diaphragm. There is some pretty major bruising along the internal organs and there were some major bleeds that had to be dealt with, but all in all, he is very lucky. Since we had to cut three of his ribs to remove the metal rod, he will be in quite a lot of pain for a while, so we _were_ planning on keeping him in a medically induced coma, but because of his head injury the neuro-surgeon does not think that's a good idea. He's currently in recovery, but he has yet to wake up." She finished the list of injuries and watched as each new one looked like a physical blow to Sam. Sam's face was reflecting all his fear and intense concern for the other man.

"How close are you and Mr. Winchester?" she asked. Maria figured that she already knew the answer to that question, judging by his intense emotional reactions, he was either family or a lover…She would bet next weeks' salary that it was the latter.

Sam pulled his dazed gaze from the floor and looked at the doctor with devastated eyes, "We're…pretty close. He's the love of my…life." Sam finished as his throat closed off making speech impossible. His arms were still wrapped around his chest and he was trying desperately to control this growing ache that seemed to be emanating from his very soul. The small doctor nodded and reached out with one hand, patting his forearm in silent support. Sam's eyes stared into hers as he nodded and then looked down again. This was the one part of the job that Maria hated; she hated it when she had to tell loved ones about the prognosis. While Dean's was in a positive place for the amount of damage done to his body, she was not confident that he would make it through the next couple f days. If he did, then she would give him a pretty good shot at a full recovery…but there was no way that she could say _that _to this obviously frightened young man.

"Sam. I will do everything in my power to return him to you." She said and squeezed his arm before she turned to walk away.

Sam watched the doctor round a corner at the end of the hallway and he finally slid bonelessly into the chair as he struggled to control the panic that was welling up inside him. He knew that Dean had been grievously injured, but to have it laid out so _medically_ was about the worst thing that he could imagine. Dean might have handled it better, since he understood all the ins and outs of the medical world, but Sam was a _lawyer_…and this scared the holy living shit out of him. He dropped his head into his hands, his elbows resting on his knees and struggled to simply breathe for a few moments. Once he felt that he had sufficient control, he stood up slowly and walked the few steps to the recovery room, looking through the glass window and wanting to throw up as he took in all the different machines that were simultaneously hooked up to Dean. There were so many colored wires going out to so many machines that he wasn't honestly sure where one started and another ended. The bed was stark while, but for the multi-colored wires, and the green electronic waves that represented his heartbeat flashing on a monitor near his head. Dean's forehead had a bandage wrapped around it, and his chest was bare except for the white gauze and the compression bandage securing the white pads in place, covering the nasty injuries. Dean looked small in the bed, which was interesting because he was nearly 6'2, with a large muscular frame…but right now in this light and situation, he looked all of five years old.

Sam leaned against the window, his elbow resting above his head and his head pressing against the inside of his elbow. His eyes slid closed as he focused on getting control and then he pushed away from the window and walked to the door, cautiously opening it and slipping quietly inside and sinking into the padded chair near the bed. His mind latched onto the slow beeps from the monitor and he inhaled slowly as he was reminding himself to breathe…just breathe. Sam knew that he should go out and talk with Anna, but he also knew that the doctor would fill Dean's sister in on the details…and honestly, Sam just couldn't face them yet. He needed to be here with Dean until he woke up and at least recognized Sam.

Nearly two hours later, after Anna and Cas had come by to check on both of them and then had to leave to pick up the baby, although Anna said that she would be back later that night, Dean's eyelids finally flickered slightly causing Sam to sit straight up and lean against the bed for a better look. Sam nearly sobbed his intense relief as Dean's green eyes came into view. The glassy gaze rolling around as he searched for something to focus on, his eyes finally connecting with Sam's as they stopped and he blinked several times very slowly. Sam leaned forward and gently traced his chin, avoiding the oxygen cannula that was just under Dean's nose. There was a plastic tube that had been inserted above the fourth rib and was running into Dean's injured lung; the sucking sound was making Sam slightly ill as he tried to ignore it. He smiled, but the action didn't reach his eyes and Dean frowned slightly, his eyes taking on a confused concerned look as he tried to pull his fractured memories together.

"You're in the hospital Dean. There was an explosion, you were injured." Sam tried to keep the information at a minimum as he recounted why Dean was lying in a hospital bed, and looking a bit like a piece of conduit, there were so many wires connected to him.

Dean's eyes widened as he both heard and understood Sam's explanation, he moved his right hand and reached slightly for Sam's limp fingers. Sam saw the action and immediately reached to take the searching fingers in his own warm embrace and leaned in to put his forehead on Dean's forearm, knowing that this might be the only place that he could touch Dean without causing him more pain. Dean's eyes were slightly unfocused as Sam lifted his head and he was able to look into Dean's beloved green eyes. Sam couldn't help but return to the hospital room all those years ago when he had woken up and not known Dean's face. Dean had explained to him later that it had been the scariest moment in his life…the thought that he had lost Sam. Sam had understood to an extent…but not like he did now. He knew what it was to think that Dean was gone and then pray that there was a way to get him back. That was what had driven him to continue trying to break through that damn door, he couldn't give up that little thread of hope that he could get to Dean before it was too late. And then the door gave in and he was able to see the 'condition' that Dean was in and he had nearly broken.

Dean's mind was fractured at best, he remembered going to work that morning, but that was about it. He thought he might remember Sam talking to him through a door…but he couldn't be sure. His head seemed to be disconnected from his body, so he wasn't really feeling too much pain…but he could see that Sam was scared and that in turn scared him. He tried to move and that was when the pain shot through his chest and caused his fingers to dig painfully into Sam's hand and wrist. Dean's face scrunched as he tried to breathe through the searing agony that radiated from his left side, his breath coming in ragged little pants as he tried to keep from moving again.

Sam's eyes went wide at the instant and intense reaction to the pain; he gently held Dean's hand and allowed him to nearly crush his own fingers in the process. Whatever Dean need, Sam would give him. "Shh…Dean. It's okay. You're gonna be okay. Just calm down. Can you do that?" Sam spoke slowly and clearly as he leaned in so Dean could easily see his face. He tried to mask the tears forming in his eyes at the distress that his partner was obviously in. It hurt to see Dean in this much pain…and he knew that there was nothing that he could do to alleviate it.

Dean opened his eyes to small slits and then nodded slightly as he tried to breathe through his nose and force his iron grip to release Sam's brushed flesh. "That's good Dean." He said as he smiled and placed a gentle kiss on Dean's arm.

Sam wondered if he could distract Dean? "So Anna and Cas were here, but they had to go pick up the baby. Anna is coming back later this evening, after they get the baby home. She was so worried about you Dean. I thought that Castiel was going to have to drag her from the hospital." Sam watched as Dean assimilated the information, his face getting softer and less pained as he focused on listening to Sam.

Dean knew that his sister would be more than a little concerned about him…she always blew everything out of proportion…but there was a part of him that wondered if, at least this time, she might actually be right on the money. He felt his mind start to wander and his eyes slid shut as he was suddenly unable to keep them open a second longer. They felt gritty and painful as he allowed them to filter out the light and he was plunged into darkness as he lost his battle with consciousness.

Sam looked down and saw the moment when Dean's eyes started to unfocused and he slid into sleep…not the restful kinda sleep. But the kind that happens because of medication and injury. Sam leaned back in the chair again, refusing to release Dean's hand, he hadn't spoken, but he seemed to understand where he was and why he was there. So that was something at least.

TBC…

**Author's Note:** _Dean will recover…and he and Sam will get their happily ever after. The ride will just be a bit bumpy for a little longer. Promise._

**Please Review, it lets me know if you have any ideas on where you want to see the story go.**


	8. Sam's Prayer

_Legalities, as always Sam and Dean and all things Supernatural do not belong to me. They are the property of the CW and Kripke Enterprises. I wish they would share, but I don't think that is going to happen so I guess I will simply play in their sandbox for a bit._

**_Rating MA_**_: For language and injured Dean and Sam throughout the storyline, they will also be M/M pairing although they are not brothers in this story. Pairings won't happen till later chapters, so be sure to review the warnings before reading._

_If you don't like this type of thing, then don't read this story I am sure there are ones that would be more pleasing to you._

**Author's Note:** _This story will follow Sam and Dean they continue their lives and try to deal with the challenges of their own pasts and tragic past of a child named Adam Milligan. This ride will get bumpy before it gets smooth, so be prepared._

**This Chapter is chalked full of ANGST and hurt Dean and worried/ANGSTY Sam**

**Please keep in mind that I do not have a Beta, so if there are errors, I apologize ahead of time.**

**Chapter 8**

_Sam's Prayer_

When Dean managed to claw his way back to the surface of his mind he was surprised to find that his eyelids felt as heavy as mud…and kind of gritty too. He wanted to shift but the intense memory of having _shifted _earlier and the pain from that action were still so very fresh in his mind that he just couldn't do it. He managed to pry one eyelid open, mostly since the other one was swollen shut, his room was darkened and he was alone…_where is Sam?_ He wondered as he tilted his head to the left, the moonlight was shining through the slats of the blinds covering the only window in his room. Pain was radiating up from his chest and lower body, it increased and decreased with every beat of his heart. The nausea in his stomach rolled and a metallic scent flooded his nostrils as he allowed his eye to fall shut and his mind to wander.

_Dean was coming home from school, he was eleven years old, and his younger sister Anna was staying at a friend's house. It was one of the few times that his father had allowed her to go somewhere. _

_It hadn't been a good day, Dean had gotten into another fight with another kid at school…and he'd lost. His teacher had broken it up, but not before he was sporting a black eye and a bloody nose. Dean knew that his father was going to be livid when he saw the damage…oh not because he would be worried about Dean, but because he had always told Dean that if he got into a fight…he had better be the one to finish it. In this case, Mr. Bingham had been the one to finish the fight. Dean had gotten his ass handed to him, granted the other kid was three years older and had at least twenty pounds on him, but that wouldn't matter his father. He stopped on the sidewalk at the base of the steps that led back their current _home _and inhaled sharply, he knew that he was going to get it, the bruises had barely healed from the last time he had inadvertently pissed off his father. Dean swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat; a part of him wished that Anna was going to be home…sometimes his father wouldn't beat him if his sister was there. But she had been looking forward to this slumber party for the last month, her friend Jenny had been talking about all the great things her parents had planned for the girls…and Anna wanted to go so badly. _

_Dean would never begrudge his little sister anything; he just wished that his father would leave him alone when she wasn't around. He sank down onto the edge of the sidewalk dropping his backpack between his feet and picked up a rock and threw it softly into the street. He managed to sit there for exactly 42 minutes before his father walked up behind him and cuffed him in the ear. He didn't even have a chance to grab at his now throbbing head before he was immediately jerked to his feet as long strong fingers fisted into his soft blonde hair. He gritted his teeth against the pain that shot through his head and then the agony that was agitated in his ribs as he was pulled roughly to his feet. "What the fuck is wrong with you boy?" his father yelled as he hauled Dean back up the stairs to the crappy motel room that currently served as their home. _

_Dean knew better than to say anything, it would only anger his father more and then he would really be in for it. _

_The beatings had started a long time ago and Dean had simply accepted that it was his 'lot' in life. But some days he really hated his father and those particular days were coming more and more frequently. Particularly lately, his father was less and less in control of his drug addiction and he was inviting more and more people over that had no business being around Anna. They made Dean really nervous, he hated that they would just show up at random times, that there was no way that he could anticipate it and make sure that Anna was out of the house. So he supposed that this was a very lucky night indeed. _

_Dean's father burst through the front door of their room and threw Dean into the coffee table as he slammed the door shut behind them. Dean's balance was off and he felt his head slam into the corner of the table as he was immediately assaulted with black spots that were misting in and out of his vision. "Guh…dad…please…don't…" he managed around the pain that was now coursing through much of his body. _

_"__Shut up Dean! What the fuck did you do now? I got a call from the school, boy. They said you got your ass kicked…" His father's alcohol roughened voice seared through the thrumming in his head as Dean tried to think clearly. _

_"__He was picking on anoth…." He was stopped short as his father's meaty fist slammed into his jaw and his head snapped back and to the left with the strength behind the blow._

_"__Then you should have won…I swear to god Dean…I'll make a man out of you yet." His father shouted as he punctuated each sentence with a blow to either Dean's head or his ribs, whichever was more accessible. _

_"__I'm sorry dad…I'm so sorr…."_

Sam was walking back into Dean's hospital room after having gone home to shower, he hadn't wanted to but the nurses and the doctor had insisted that Dean wouldn't be awake for a few hours yet and he may as well make use of the time and go get cleaned up. It had been horrible walking into their home and feeling Dean everywhere and yet knowing that he wasn't physically there. Sam had lost it as he entered their bedroom, Dean's scent was still strong inside the room and he had sank helplessly onto their bed and let his emotions take over for bit. He hadn't allowed that since he'd learned about the bombing and the fact that he had almost lost Dean today…how very close he had come to losing his _everything,_ in one instant, slammed into his unprepared mind. The tears had rolled freely down his face as he had picked up Dean's pillow and brought it to his nose…the smell so strong that he felt his heart shudder at the thought that that scent would fade soon. _He had come so close to losing Dean…again_.

After some time he'd managed to pull himself enough to get to his feet and stumble into their bathroom, stripping his cloths automatically and reaching into the shower, twisting the knobs and listening as the water rained down on the travertine tiles. He stood facing the mirror as he waited for the water to warm up, looking at his naked reflection in the full length mirror. He was dirty and there was blood smeared on his face and along his neck where Dean had touched him. Hysterical laughter bubbled up inside Sam as he leaned heavily against the counter, his knees nearly buckling under the onslaught of despair. After what seemed like forever, Sam managed to pull himself back together, he looked at his red rimmed eyes, his irises were a nearly supernatural color of blue laced with green flecks. He took a deep breath and mentally berated himself for his loss of control, it was Dean that was suffering here, and he was just collateral damage. He bit off the emotional flood and stumbled into the shower. The water was hot, nearly too hot…but he didn't care, Sam needed to 'burn' the memories of how deathly still his partner had been out of his mind. He needed to pull it together so that he could be there for Dean. A shuddering breath racked its way through his body as he finally regained absolute control over his body and his mind.

Sam turned off the water and reached out for a towel and slung it low on his hips as his hair dripped water down his back and chest. Just when he thought that he was in the clear he was assaulted by the different memories, ones of Dean in the shower room when they had been in college. The feeling of Dean's lips on his as he'd pressed his still damp and warm body against Sam's. Their chests rising and falling in a sequence of breathing in tandem as Dean pressed his aching hips against Sam's rock hard erection and moved suggestively as his tongue thrust inside of Sam's more than willing mouth.

The memory was so visceral that Sam again found himself leaning against the bathroom counter and his breaths were coming in short sharp gasps as he tried to clear the images from before his eyes. He leaned down and ran the cold water into the sink, as he splashed it up onto his face and he snapped back to the present. He knew that he needed to keep it together for Dean, so he pulled himself upright and nodded to the misty figure staring back at him in the steam covered mirror.

Once he had managed to get himself cleaned up and dressed in a clean pair of levis and a soft blue cashmere sweater he grabbed his keys and rushed to his car headed for the hospital again.

Sam walked back into the darkened hallway of the ICU ward and nodded to the duty nurse, she smiled and looked back at her paperwork, obviously more concerned about that than some guy wandering into the ward at 2am. Sam brought the cup of black coffee to his lips and took a long slow sip of the bitter black brew. Dean would be giving him so much crap right about now…it was Dean would drank his coffee black…Sam always drank the doctored up girly latte drinks. But not tonight, he didn't think he'd be getting any sleep in the near future and he needed to be awake for Dean, so he was drinking the strongest thing he could find…Dean's coffee.

He heard the whispered desperate mumbles from the inside of Dean's room as he rounded the corner.

"I'm sorry dad…I'm so sorr…" The whispered apology died on Dean's lips as Sam rushed the rest of the way into the room.

"Dean?" He asked as he set his coffee down and reached out to gently take Dean's hand, it was trembling and there was an unnatural heat radiating off the skin. _Son of a bitch! Can we get a break…Please…_ Sam pleaded with a god he was only moderately sure existed as he watched the Dean's eyes flicker quickly beneath closed eyelids, the swelling making it difficult see the other eyes move. The heat from the infection that Sam had suspected was making Dean's cheeks flush was tangible in his hand as he closed his fingers around Dean's palm. "Fever Dean…shit." He said as he sank into the chair next to the bed, he thought of the last time that he had dealt with fever where Dean was concerned…it hadn't been good. He had nearly lost Dean to that fever and the subsequent infection…but the worst had been learning about Dean's past. The things that he had been forced to relive while he'd been delirious…and Sam had seen it all. _God…I don't know if you are there…or if you even give a shit about me or Dean…but please…please don't make him go through that again. It almost killed him last time._ Sam prayed and a small part of him hoped that there was someone listening, because Dean was going to need it…and so was he.

TBC…

**Author's Note:** _Sorry it has been so long for the update. I will try and get them up quicker from here on out. No worries Dean and Sam are going to get their time with Adam…but I was really feeling the Angst for this chapter. We'll get onto the healing and living of life in the near future. Thanks for reading._

**Please Review: Give me ideas if you have them…they help. **


	9. Important Days

_Legalities, as always Sam and Dean and all things Supernatural do not belong to me. They are the property of the CW and Kripke Enterprises. I wish they would share, but I don't think that is going to happen so I guess I will simply play in their sandbox for a bit._

**_Rating MA_**_: For language and injured Dean and Sam throughout the storyline, they will also be M/M pairing although they are not brothers in this story. Pairings won't happen till later chapters, so be sure to review the warnings before reading._

_If you don't like this type of thing, then don't read this story I am sure there are ones that would be more pleasing to you._

**Author's Note:** _This story will follow Sam and Dean they continue their lives and try to deal with the challenges of their own pasts and tragic past of a child named Adam Milligan. This ride will get bumpy before it gets smooth, so be prepared._

**This Chapter is chalked full of ANGST and hurt Dean and worried/ANGSTY Sam**

**Please keep in mind that I do not have a Beta, so if there are errors, I apologize ahead of time.**

**Chapter 10**

_Important Days_

Two weeks…it had been two weeks since the bombing at the hospital. The FBI and Homeland Security were still trying to piece together what had happened. Sam was still trying to piece Dean back together as a result of that one rotten morning. It had been one hell of a couple of weeks, Dean had crashed twice due to the hole in his heart. They doctors were finally thinking that maybe they had Dean out of the woods…but they wouldn't tell Sam that for sure. Sam had missed so much work that his partners were starting to talk about reassigning his cases to other junior partners in the firm. Sam felt haggard to say the least…he had been sleeping in the uncomfortable little chair next to Dean's bed almost every night. Mostly because as uncomfortable as it was…it was the only place that he could actually sleep. When he was at home all he could focus on was the fact that Dean's smell had dissipated from their sheets. He found that his eyes were puffy and there were dark circles shining beneath them whenever he looked in the mirror. He'd also lost weight…he wasn't eating much and he'd had found out the hard way that one could simply not exist on coffee alone. So every now and then he would force a protein shake or maybe an omelet from the cafeteria down…only to throw it up when Dean would have another attack.

Their lives were crap right now…he was extremely grateful that Dean was alive…beyond grateful…but he wasn't handling the recovery process as easily as he should be. Sam was scared to death that he was going to lose Dean over this…the injuries were severe in nature and as much as the doctors assured him that Dean's chances were increasing every day…Sam still found that he was terrified of losing Dean…deep inside.

He watched as Dean made nasty faces at the lumpy oatmeal that the nurse had brought in for breakfast that morning. Sam tried to smile slightly as he saw the evident disgust on his partner's face increase the longer he stared at the sticky liquid, almost like he thought secretly that it was trying to kill him or something. "Sam, I need to eat _real_ food if I'm going to heal properly." He ground out with irritation as he picked at the grey stuff with his good arm. The other shoulder immobilized slightly above his head in a traction sling in order for it to heal right.

Sam shook his head and sat on the corner of Dean's hospital bed, placing his hand near Dean's hip. "I want you home just as much as you want to be there…trust me…but Dean, your heart isn't healed up enough yet…you know that. You're a doctor for christ's sake…would you let someone with your level of injuries out yet?"

Dean narrowed his eyes at Sam and looked down to avoid the censuring gaze of his partner. "No, but…Sam…" he exhaled long and slow before continuing. "It's just if I don't get out of here soon…I'm gonna lose it. I love being at the hospital…but not at this end of the deal. I want be _at_ the hospital, not _in _the hospital." Sam nodded his understanding and gently reached up to run his fingers through Dean's soft blonde hair…it was getting long and he knew that it had to be driving Dean crazy as it touched the tips of his ears.

"I know baby…but I won't risk losing you…so until your _assigned_ doctor says it's safe for you to leave…you stay." He punctuated his statement with a kiss as he leaned into Dean's body, careful of the wires and bandages still wrapping themselves around Dean's chest. He felt Dean's lips respond instantly to his own, and in a needy little whine that escaped Dean's throat as he kissed Sam back. He reached up with his good hand and carded his fingers through Sam's brown hair. When he looked up into Sam's face he was surprised to the see the tears forming in the corners of Sam's eyes as he closed them and leaned his forehead against Dean. He just needed to _feel_ Dean…just for a moment.

"I hope I'm not interrupting?" Anna's voice said softly as she stepped into Dean's private room…being a doctor had its privileges after all. Sam sat back quickly and spun to look at the small woman standing in the doorway. She was smiling as she watched them interact…she loved that her brother had found someone as wonderful as Sam to share his life with…_god knows he deserves it. _

She walked in and sat in the chair that Sam had just vacated in favor of sitting on the bed next to Dean, his fingers rubbing up and down Dean's good arm absently. Sam smiled, his cheeks reddening a little at being caught kissing Dean… She chuckled at the expected response. Sam really hadn't changed all that much over the years…from that tall gangly guy that she had met in the library the night that Dean had been introduced to the man that would shape the rest of his life. Sam was still easily embarrassed and quick to forgive. "You are never an interruption." Dean answered as he smiled at his little sister. She looked happy and healthy and that was all that Dean could ever hope for where she was concerned.

"Where's Castiel?" he asked as she shifted in the chair, pulling an envelope out of her purse.

"He had to work today…and the baby is with his parents." Anna handed the little card out to Sam who in turn handed it to Dean.

"What's this?" Dean questioned as he ripped into the small gift…Happy Birthday big brother…was written in big letters inside the funny little card.

Sam's eyes flew up to Dean's as he realized his mistake…that with everything that had happened in the last few weeks, he had completely forgotten that Dean's birthday was coming up.

Anna saw the realization dawn on Sam as he grasped what today was. "Sam…I knew that you had a lot on your plate, so Castiel and I decided that we would grab a simple card and when my brother gets out of the hospital…and is a bit stronger that we can have a big birthday bash then."

Sam's eyes were suddenly glassy as he simply nodded at the thoughtful little gesture.

"Thanks Anna…" Dean said quietly, his own emotions rushing to the surface. All his life no one with the exception of Anna had really cared whether or not his birthday was acknowledged. He knew that things were different now with Sam…he never let Dean's 'special day' go by without some sort of gift or even just breakfast in bed…which always led to birthday sex. _Damn-it…no birthday sex this year._ He thought in irritation. He shifted in the bed as he felt his body respond to the mental image of Sam naked last year with a tray and a ridiculous little kid's birthday hat sitting off center on his head… The sudden feeling of the stitches pulling painfully across his chest and the instant flare of pain slashed through him, causing him to twist his face in discomfort. Dean hissed and pulled in a sharp breath as he waited for the pain to dissipate, closing his eyes to avoid the worried stares of his family.

"I'm fine…" he said through clenched teeth and without opening his green eyes, he didn't want to see either of their worried expressions.

"Sure you are…" Sam said quickly as he stood up and looked into the hallway for a nurse that could administer some pain medication.

"Sam…no. I can't be drugged up all the time. I'll be okay, just give me a minute to adjust." Dean shot back as he inhaled slowly, he knew that his tone was harsh…but it was had enough just to concentrate on breathing without having to worry about what his voice sounded like.

Anna watched the two and then she felt her heart clench in sympathy for her brother and for Sam…this was something that they had already dealt with far too often. Their relationship was strong but the added stress of Dean's accident and the damage that had been done not only to his body but the still healing damage to his heart was weighing heavily on both men. She stood to leave, knowing that they would need to talk this out…much as her big brother was going to hate the 'chick-flick' moment that Sam was undoubtedly going to unleash as soon as she left the room. "Dean…happy birthday. Get better soon. I've gotta go pick meet Cas's parents to pick up the baby." She leaned in kissed Dean's forehead and then reached over and pulled Sam into a hug before slipping quietly out the door.

Sam's eyes shifted immediately to Dean's pinched face…he could see the pain radiating off the other man and it was making him crazy that he couldn't help. That Dean wouldn't allow him to help. "Please don't start shutting me out again Dean…" he said softly as he walked over to stare out the window into the morning sun. It was colder today than usual, well as cold as it every really got in California…and the world was a sorta grey color as the fog from the ocean burned off of the LA city skyline.

"What do you mean…I'm not shutting you out Sam?" Dean shot back, the irritation at being so easily read by Sam jumping to the surface. It probably didn't help that he was in pain and that his defenses were already down due to the situation. He watched as Sam continued to stare out the window, his shoulders sagging with weariness before he turned back to Dean…his eyes were guarded, which wasn't normal for Sam…not at all.

It set off warning bells in Dean's head as he looked at the other man, trying to discern what he was seeing reflected in those guarded blue-green eyes. "I think you need some time to simply heal up Dean…I'm going to head into the office today. I haven't been in since this happened and I have some cases that need my attention." Sam wouldn't look him in the eyes as he gathered up his stuff and walked over to place a chaste kiss on Dean's forehead, similar to what Anna had just done. "I'll be back later." He finished and turned to walk out into the hallway.

Dean was speechless…the quick shift in Sam's attention had knocked all his snarky responses right out of his head as he watched Sam walk out. _What the hell just happened?_ He wondered as Sam disappeared around the corner. Dean went introspective as he replayed the conversation that they had just had…he had no clue what had driven Sam away. He closed his eyes and shook his head as he tried again to ignore the pain that washed through his chest…but this time it had nothing at all to do with his injury.

TBC…

_Author's Note:_ _Really short I know…but I almost have the next chapter finished, so that will go up quicker than this one. Sorry for the delay, I had to decide exactly where I was taking this sequel…now I know._

**Please Review: I would like to know what you guys think…**


	10. When we get Past this

_Legalities, as always Sam and Dean and all things Supernatural do not belong to me. They are the property of the CW and Kripke Enterprises. I wish they would share, but I don't think that is going to happen so I __guess__ I will simply play in their sandbox for a bit._

**_Rating MA_**_: For language and injured Dean and Sam throughout the storyline, they will also be M/M pairing although they are not brothers in this story. Pairings won't happen till later chapters, so be sure to review the warnings before reading._

_If you don't like this type of thing, then don't read this story I am sure there are ones that would be more pleasing to you._

**Author's Note:** _This story will follow Sam and Dean they continue their lives and try to deal with the challenges of their own pasts and tragic past of a child named Adam Milligan. This ride will get bumpy before it gets smooth, so be prepared._

**This Chapter is chalked full of ANGST and hurt Dean and worried/ANGSTY Sam**

**Please keep in mind that I do not have a Beta, so if there are errors, I apologize ahead of time.**

**Chapter 10**

_When we get Past this_

Dean sat back against the pillows, his side sending tendrils of pain lancing through his body as he looked at the empty space where Sam had been. He still couldn't figure out what he'd done to push Sam off…and the more he thought about it the less he could figure it out. He groaned as a particularly painful spasm shot through his chest and settled above his heart. He wasn't sure if it was from Sam leaving or the piece of metal that had been surgically removed from his chest...either way, it hurt like hell. Lately, Sam hadn't been acting _right_, although to be fair, Dean didn't even know what the _right_ reactions should look like in this type of a fucked up situation. He had almost died and then, to make matters even more difficult...it had been Sam that had found him…and that had resulted in 'what?' PTSD…or something. It was driving Dean crazy trying to figure out the whole rollercoaster of emotions that Sam was shooting in his direction at the moment. He allowed his eyelids to fall closed as he breathed through his pain and tried to think of how he and Sam could get back to their 'apple-pie-life' and then he still needed to talk to Sam about the possible adoption of Adam Milligan. Because God knows, that Dean still wanted to give that kid a home…and he knew that Sam would make an excellent father...and frankly Dean still felt like he had something to prove. He understood that his own upbringing had been, _less than ideal..._HA! That was a laugh...his childhood had been nonexistent and consisted of he being passed around like an communal bottle of water...or something more sinister. He could still hear his fathers voice sometimes... "_Don't worry, I have him tested...he'd clean...and he's as good as any woman...or your money back..."_ That son of bitches voice still flared to life when Dean's defenses were down...and they were currently under complete renovation, due to the accident.

He wasn't sure when he fell asleep…but suddenly the light was filtering through the slightly open blinds of his window. Dean pushed his heavy eyelids open and realized that the light was a deep orange, which meant that it was late afternoon or early evening…and he'd managed to sleep the majority of the day away. He turned away from the slowly diminishing light and looked around his room…it was empty except for him. A part of his heart stuttered at the realization that Sam hadn't come back to check on him after he'd finished at work. Had he really managed to push off the best thing that had ever happened to him?

Dean had worked so hard to make their lives together good…he was just dropping into a pool of self-loathing when Sam's shaggy head popped through the door. He immediately noticed that Dean was awake and an amazing smile pulled at the corners of his thing lips…the dimples that Dean loved to the very core of his soul making an appearance. Sam slipped through the door and Dean noticed that he was carrying a bag along with his briefcase. He was however wearing a loose ocean-blue v-neck sweater and dark wash jeans along with a leather jacket that looked…Dean would say it…_hot!_ With a capital 'H'.

"I wanted to bring you something for your birthday Dean." Sam said as he set the bag on the small rolling table and pulled it closer to Dean as he removed a plastic container and two clear plastic forks from the bag. There was something to _normal_ about what Sam had done here…bringing him something to commemorate his birthday. Dean felt his heart clench at the thought that Sam had put into something so simple…yet so meaningful and he allowed a small smile to seep onto his lips as he looked up at Sam's beautiful blue-green eyes.

Dean's eyebrows shot up as he recognized the Dutch Apple Pie that was sitting inside the clear container. Sammy knew that it was his favorite…one birthday Sam had tried to give Dean a cake…that had ended up being used in a decidedly sexual manner…but not for the celebration of his birthday. Dean _loved_ pie…not cake. Sam had totally gotten that concept on that day…and he had never made that mistake again. It was lesson that Dean had been immensely grateful that his partner had learned on that day…and _thankfully _very quickly.

"Pie?" Dean said in a raspy voice as he allowed the smile to pull at the corners of his pink lips as he looked from the container to Sam's brilliant blue-green eyes. Dean's look had Sam nodding and then sinking down into the chair next to Dean's bed and finally pulling the pie out, while handing Dean a fork. "I thought you might not come back tonight…" Dean whispered as he looked intently at the pie…and not at the shocked and slightly hurt expression that Sam threw his way.

"Dean…I am not leaving you…not now…not ever." He huffed and turned away from Dean as he scrubbed a hand down his face and shook his head. "I thought you knew that…I thought that…uhhh…that we were _way_ beyond this type of _insecurity_." Sam narrowed his eyebrows and then turned back to Dean's confused face. "Dean, I love you…I am committed to you. There is nothing that you could _ever_ do that would make me want to leave you…So would you please _stop_ trying to push me away."

Dean swallowed around a lump in his throat and simply nodded as he blinked back the burning sensation in his eyes. He really did love Sam and he knew that this was just old insecurities coming up. But that didn't make them just go away…he wanted them to…God knows he did…but a lifetime of abuse had buried some things so deeply within him that he was caught off guard by them…this was one of those times.

Dean inhaled slowly and then turned unguarded eyes toward Sam…. "I know that Sam. At least my _heart_ knows it…" he chuckled lightly. "My head….that's a bit of another story." He smiled and then continued. "It just…sometimes it comes out…my old _problems_…they come out and I can't catch them fast enough Sam…But it doesn't happen that often anymore…" He glanced away and closed his eyes slowly and then blinked up at Sam. He reached out and gently grasped the long fingers… "I love you Sam."

Sam raised his eyebrows slowly and then a small smile pulled at the corners of his lips. "Do you have any idea how much I love you…I would take you in any condition Dean." He coughed slightly and then looked at the closed door and then squeezing Dean's hands. "So…uh can I change the subject?" Sam asked.

"Oh God yes…please do." Dean said quickly. "Sorry…" He finished when Sam threw him a raised eyebrow.

"The agency called the other day…they were wondering if we were still interested in Adam?" Sam said quietly as he tried to focus around the small labored breaths of his partner. Dean was in pain and tired…judging by the bags under his eyes and the tiny drops of sweats running down his face and neck. "Listen Dean…we can talk about this later…"

"No Sam it's okay…Yes. We are still interested in Adam…." His green eyes flickered up to meet Sam's ocean colored gaze. "Aren't we?"

Sam blew out along breath and then sank down onto the bed near Dean's hip. He wanted this with Dean…they could have a family of their own. And they could give this little boy a sense of normality that he would never have otherwise. "Yes Dean…we are still interested in that…so interested." He finished and leaned in, placing a careful kiss on Dean's lips.

TBC…

**Author's Note:** _So sorry that this has been on the back burner. I will get another chapter out within a week. Dean and Sam will be headed home and they will be working toward the adoption and getting Dean healed up. It won't be all wine and roses…because I just don't tend to write much of that…but they will have a happy ending. That much I can promise. Thanks for reading._

**Please Review: And I won't wait a month for the next post.**


	11. What the Future Holds

_Legalities, as always Sam and Dean and all things Supernatural do not belong to me. They are the property of the CW and Kripke Enterprises. I wish they would share, but I don't think that is going to happen so I __guess__ I will simply play in their sandbox for a bit._

**_Rating MA_**_: For language and injured Dean and Sam throughout the storyline, they will also be M/M pairing although they are not brothers in this story. Pairings won't happen till later chapters, so be sure to review the warnings before reading._

_If you don't like this type of thing, then don't read this story I am sure there are ones that would be more pleasing to you._

**Author's Note:** _This story will follow Sam and Dean they continue their lives and try to deal with the challenges of their own pasts and tragic past of a child named Adam Milligan. This ride will get bumpy before it gets smooth, so be prepared._

**This Chapter is chalked full of ANGST and hurt Dean and worried/ANGSTY Sam**

**Please keep in mind that I do not have a Beta, so if there are errors, I apologize ahead of time.**

**Chapter 11**

_What the Future Holds_

Dean was released the next day, he wasn't feeling all that great today…but there wasn't really anything medical that the hospital could do about it. The pain would probably be a chronic thing from here on out, the damage to his body had been severe and he also knew that he'd spend a fair amount of time simply recovering his stamina. The steel rod had done serious damage to his heart and that wasn't something that just _healed_. It took time and a very slow pace…he thought of Sam and his chest clenched as he realized that they wouldn't be _doing_ anything sexual for _very long time. _

There was also the fact that Dean really wanted to sleep in his own bed…with Sam. Watching his other half trying to fit his enormous frame into the small recliner positioned next to his hospital bed had been damn near painful to watch. Dean had packed his few belongings into the small bag that Sam had left for him, his excitement about getting to take the doctor home stilted somewhat by his concern about Dean's heart. And now Dean was sitting on the edge of the single hospital bed, waiting…waiting for Sam to come get him…he was just pulling his cell phone out when there was a soft knock at the door.

"Come in." He called immediately. A man in his early thirties walked through the door. He was tall, good looking with light sandy colored hair and bright blue eyes. He wore a serviceable business suit that screamed 'government worker', and a slight smile that said that he wasn't sure if he should be in Dean's room.

"Mr. Winchester?" he asked. His voice thick with a Boston accent, so he was obviously not from California…at least not originally; the man took a moment and set down a black briefcase and allowed the door to fall shut behind himself.

"Depends on who's asking." Dean said cryptically. He eyed the man suspiciously when he reached into his pocket and withdrew a black folded leather badge holder. He held up the credentials and watched as the man in the bed relaxed somewhat and nodded for him to continue.

"Agent Tyler Richardson, with Homeland Security. Can I have a minute?" The man smiled at Dean and waited just inside the door until he was invited in further. Dean inhaled and then motioned with his good arm. The stiches in his chest pulling as he did so, causing him to wince outwardly, if Agent Richardson noticed, he wisely kept his expression neutral. "Thank you. I wanted to talk to you earlier, but your other half felt that it would be better for me to wait until you were stronger. I tended to agree with him." The man's eyes were sharp as he watched every one of Dean's reactions to what he was saying…he was gauging him…looking for openings in the conversation to say what he really wanted from the doctor.

Dean nodded as he continued to watch the man with unsure green eyes. "Okay, yeah…that sounds like Sam. So what would you like to know, Mr. Richardson? I wasn't exactly in a position to see much…what with being trapped in the basement immediately following the explosion." He shifted to alleviate some pain in his hip and gestured to the empty chair, that one that Sam usually occupied. _Speaking of Sam…where was he?_ Dean thought quickly.

"Well, we are several weeks into our investigation of the bombing and so far all we know is that it was _not_ terrorist related. We think that it was a personal attack against someone working inside the hospital…but since you were the only one that lived through the attack in the basement area, where the bomb was located…we were hoping that you might have some insight for our agency." Agent Richardson leaned forward and looked expectantly at Dean. "Frankly Mr. Winchester, we're stalled on the investigation…and we need a new perspective." He looked hopeful as he interlaced his fingers and leaned back in his chair again.

Dean nodded, his forehead furrowing in concentration as he sifted through fragmented memories. "Well, I was locked in the medical supply closet for most of it…I don't know how much help I can be." He looked over at the agent's earnest expression. "But I am willing to try to help, in any way possible." Dean didn't want to see anyone go through what he'd just lived through. Most people wouldn't have made it…he was incredibly lucky…and one of the only reasons he'd made it is because Sam wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. He felt the familiar warmth pool in his heart as he thought of what Sam had gone through to ensure that he hadn't died in that cement tomb. Part of him knew just how close he'd been…if Sam had waited even another day…he wouldn't have made it. His medical training told him that…and it made him wonder if Sam really was some sort of gift, sent just for him. Thank god for the jack ass that had bunked them up that first year in college…

"Okay, well anything that you could tell us would be helpful. Did you see anything unusual?" The man pulled a notepad from his pocket and started writing in the small leather bound pad.

Dean shook his head, his chest again pulling painfully as he twisted a bit in the wrong direction. "The only thing that I remember was that once I went into that room…I think it was locked from the outside…but I don't really know because the bomb exploded a few moments later…and frankly I don't remember much of anything until I woke up here." Sam's head popped into the room as the agent nodded, writing down what Dean had said and then glancing over at the lawyer. When he saw the sheer size of the man, he was glad that he'd gotten permission to talk to the doctor before trying this. Because Sam didn't look like he would have a problem with throwing someone right of this room onto their ass if he thought they were going to bother Dean.

"Agent." Sam said evenly as he sat down on the bed next to Dean and reached over gently squeezing his partner's knee in a silent request, Sam was checking to see if was okay. Dean nodded quickly, letting him know that he was fine…and that 'no' the agent wasn't bothering him. Sam nodded again and then sat back further, crossing one long leg over the other and staring at the security man with interest. Every one of his law classes coming back as he watched and studied the man questioning the love of his life about an accident that had nearly robbed Sam of Dean. He shuttered inwardly at that line of thinking…he couldn't imagine himself living through the loss of the other man. He simply relied too heavily on Dean for what he needed to survive…they both relied heavily on one another. It was one of the many things that Sam loved about Dean…how much they _needed_ each other.

"Mr. Wesson." Agent Richardson said quickly. He folded up his notepad and placed it back in his pocket. "Well, it looks like your ride is here Mr. Winchester. If you don't mind I'd like to speak with you further sometime in the near future…once your settled back in at home that is…and if you're feeling up to it?" His blue eyes flickered with interest as he watched the silent communication going on between the two men and he had to admit that he was impressed. He'd very rarely come across people that were able to share their feelings and thoughts silently as these two did. They obviously knew each other _very_ well.

Dean nodded and held out his good hand for the man to shake. "That should be fine…just give me a couple weeks?" The agent nodded his agreement and then shook Sam's hand as well.

"I'll be sure and call first." He said, looking straight at Sam's stern expression.

"Please do." Sam said. His hand then lifting to rest gently on Dean's lower back in a supportive and loving gesture. He watched as the agent left the room and then he was finally able to give Dean the 'hello' that he'd wanted to. With his hand rubbing soft circles on Dean's back, his lips captured Dean's in a soft and passionate kiss. Nothing too crazy, Sam had read up on the type of injury that Dean had sustained…and he could easily suffer from a heart attack if he was pushed too quickly. The damage needed time to heal…and as much as Sam would love to jump Dean's bones right here in the hospital. He simply wasn't willing to risk Dean's full recovery for a quick roll in the sack.

Dean pulled away quickly as his heart pulsed painfully as the rate increased with his passion. "Not quite ready for anything that's not G-rated Sammy." He said in a rough voice. But there was humor laced through it so Sam found himself smiling and kissing Dean on the cheek.

"I have no intention of pushing for anything that's not a complete Disney rating at the moment." He looked down at Dean and the love and patience that was reflecting out his ocean colored eyes had Dean swallowing his own swelling emotions. _God, I missed him._ He thought. "Let's go home."

Dean could only nod his answer as Sam scooped up his meager belongings and pushed the wheelchair in for Dean to climb into . He eyed the chair with disgust and then glared at Sam as he smiled innocently. "Hospital policy…you know that…doctor." His dimples were plainly visible as he enjoyed taunting Dean a little. Although judging from the pasty pallor of Dean's skin…he shouldn't have been walking very far anyways…not yet. Dean grumbled and then shifted himself into the chair, his fingers clenching and unclenching in irritation.

"I hate this." He groaned. His hands dropping uselessly into his lap as Sam stepped up behind him and started pushing him out of the hospital…that frankly…Sam couldn't wait to leave. He'd spent too much time here in the last several weeks…praying that Dean would come out of this somewhat intact. His thoughts turned to Anna and Castiel…they had also been here the majority of the time since this had all started. And Sam knew that they were just as ready as he was to try and put this behind them and get on with a normal life.

"So I have a bit of a surprise for you." Sam said as they rolled through the automatic doors, and he popped the electric locks on the BMW.

"Where's the Impala?" Dean asked immediately. His concern for his baby never ceasing to amaze Sam…sometimes he wondered if he should get the car its own room in their house.

"It's in the garage Dean….safe and sound. As I was saying, I have a surprise for you." Sam helped Dean shift his weight into the car, his chest muscles clenching as he took some of his own weight…and _damn did that hurt like a bitch._ Dean pulled in a deep breath of air and then looked over at Sam expectantly.

"So what's the big surprise Sammy?" He asked, careful to avoid sounding winded when talking to the taller man…he would worry too much. And Dean knew that this was all pretty normal for his injury. Sam gently closed his door and returned the wheelchair to the waiting area before climbing into the driver's seat and turning a huge grin in Dean's direction. "What?" Dean pressed. His own lips pulling into a smile at the devious but excited look on his partner's face.

"I talked with the agency…and if we want…we can officially start the adoption process in three weeks…if you're feeling up to it that it." Sam added and then glanced over at the softness that had invaded Dean's features as he stared at Sam.

"Really?" He asked. His hands tapping excitedly on his knees as he watched Sam's reaction.

"Really." Sam answered back, reaching over and taking Dean's fingers gently into his own and pulling them to his lips. "I want this Dean…I want this with you."

"Sammy…do you have any clue how much I love you?" Dean asked in a hoarse voice. The emotions he was swallowing back nearly crashing to the surface as he thought of what was soon to be his family. Him…Dean Winchester…he was finally going to have a real family. One that wasn't scarred by drugs and alcohol abuse…of child abuse for that matter. He knew that Adam Milligan had had his own set of challenges in his very young life…but that was something that Dean knew that he could cope with. Hell, he'd done it in his own life…he could help this little boy to live a happy, healthy, normal life…him and Sam that is.

Sam turned sincere eyes in his direction and there was a glassy sheen to them that let Dean know that the other man wasn't getting out this whole 'chick-flick-moment' unscathed. "Yeah.l..cuz it's exactly how much I love you." Sam said quietly.

An hour later had Sam helping Dean into their home and the familiar smell of it alone had Dean feeling better than he had in weeks. Casper ran into the kitchen as they came through the door connecting it to the garage, his large paws slipping on the tile as he skidded to a halt. Sam quickly inserted himself between Dean and the excited lab before he could bowl over the shorter man in his enthusiasm. Dean reached out and scratched the dog behind the ears, watching as the dog's tongue lolled out happily. "Anna brought him back a little earlier...she thought you could use another friend." Sam explained.

"Missed you too boy." Dean said as he moved slowly through the kitchen. He passed through the foyer and looked at the stairs, his heart rate picking up at the daunting thought of climbing them. Dean had never realized that they had so many stairs before...

"You okay with the stairs, Dean?" Sam asked as he stepped up next to him and placed a gentle hand on the base of his spine. It was a quiet offer of help if Dean needed it…and while he really did want to take Sam up on the offer…he also knew that he had to start doing these things for himself. He couldn't rely on Sam to be around all the time…and with the added addition of Adam? Dean needed to get back on top of his game…because he _needed_ to be the father that this little boy deserved. He pulled his lower lip between his teeth and shook his head as he started the long extremely slow climb up those fourteen stairs.

By the time he reached the top he was breathing heavily and the sweat was rolling down is face. Sam had wisely stayed quiet and allowed Dean to do this on his own…even though it nearly killed him to do it. He understood Dean well enough to know that the man needed to do things on his own.

"Friday…we can go meet Adam…and if all goes well. At the end of the month…we'll be fathers." Sam said after Dean was settled into their large bed. Casper had crawled up and was lying near Dean's feet, his head resting over his paws.

Dean reached over and grabbed Sam's hands and brought them to his lips, placing soft kisses on his knuckles. "Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve you…" He whispered. Sam smiled and leaned over kissing Dean's soft pink lips.

"I ask myself the same question."

TBC…

**Author's Note****_:_**_ Sorry it has been so long since I posted an update for this story. I was trying to figure out where I wanted to take it. I now have an idea so the updates should be quicker. Thanks for sticking with me…hope you enjoy the chapter._

**Please Review: If your still out there and following the story…please let me know.**


End file.
